I was ready to jump off the roof... but then rang my wife telling her what painkillers were doing to me
CHRIS KIRKLAND EXCLUSIVE
AS an ambassador for the Liverpool FC Foundation, Chris Kirkland loves spending time with some of the boyhood idols he used to watch from the Kop.
When he later signed for the Reds, he was the country’s most expensive goalkeeper – but his best save was pulling himself back from the brink, after deciding to end his life.
Plagued by a troublesome back which restricted him to a single England cap, Kirkland became hooked on the painkiller tramadol.
“Someone told me the amount I was taking at one time was the equivalent of 10 shots of heroin,” he recalled.
It might have eased an aching back, but it completely scrambled his brain.
Kirkland, now 41, said: “I had joined Bury in 2016 and they were going on a pre-season trip to Portugal. I didn’t want to go. I was taking so many tablets they were damaging my brain and my thoughts.
“I went up onto the roof where we were staying with the aim of jumping off. But I pulled back and immediately rang my wife telling her what painkillers were doing to me.
“I made an excuse to Bury and went home.” That was the end of his career, one which had begun to unravel when he joined Sheffield Wednesday in 2012, after spells with Coventry, Liverpool – where he moved for £6million – and Wigan.
“Two days before my first game for Wednesday I suffered a back spasm,” he explained. “I thought if I don’t play on the Saturday I was going to get crucified. I managed to get hold of some painkillers – tramadol.
“It didn’t only help me to play it also helped me with anxiety, being away from home, travelling and changing routine after 11 years living in the same area.
“At first I thought I would only use them if my back was sore. But just like any addiction, you get hooked very quickly.
“I knew after about three months that I could tell the difference between me taking them and not taking them. If I didn’t take them my anxiety would go through the roof.
“After three years I left to come back to the area where I had been used to, thinking it would help, but I was too far gone by then with my dependence on painkillers.”
Until six months ago he was still dependent on them, keeping his addiction secret as he went about his ambassadorial work with Liverpool. Now he has been to rehab and has support.
“I realised I wouldn’t be here much longer if I continued what I was doing. I was taking ridiculous amounts,” Kirkland confessed.
“It was a case of going into rehab again, but this time talking to people about my addiction and getting a support unit around me.
“My wife now has drugtesting kits in the kitchen, so she can test me at any time. The postman knows not to give me anything which looks like I could have got it off the internet.
“It’s hard when the back is sore or if I get anxious. But I’m now probably as fit as ever.”
He added: “I go where I’m needed [by the Foundation], into schools, coaching, helping with the food banks.
“I’m involved in quite a few charities – and keeping busy is the key.
“It’s great that I get to work with players such as Ian Rush, John Aldridge, Kenny Dalglish, Jan Molby... stars I used to watch from the Kop.” ■■See the extended interview on ‘Coffee with (Rob) McCaffrey’ on Soccerex TV.
I’m as fit as ever... but my wife still has drug testing kits in the kitchen so she can test
me anytime...