I had sex with another woman three times... and it felt like such a chore
TELLY star Vanessa Feltz’s ex today admits his cheating for the first time and says: “I was wrong ...I betrayed the love of my life.”
Singer Ben Ofoedu tells the Sunday Mirror how fiancée Vanessa forgave him after he had sex three times with an older woman.
Revealing the affair on the Spanish island of Ibiza, he says it was “just sex – and a chore”.
But his patched-up, 16-year relationship with Vanessa was finally doomed when, the Mirror can reveal, he later sex-texted one woman and flirted with another.
Vanessa, 61 next week, kicked Ben out of their North London home and is now blocking his calls.
Ben, 50, says: “I’ve broken her trust. She gave me another chance. I’ve gone and destroyed that.”
Spelling out his cheating, Ben says: ■■WOMAN No1 was a fan he met in 2015 while gigging on Ibiza with his band Phats and Small.
■■WOMAN No2 was an Instagram follower he grew close to in 2022. She sent him nude photos.
■■WOMAN No3 told Vanessa he flirted inappropriately at a Butlin’s gig in Skegness, Lincs, last December.
Admitting his shame, Ben says: “So many people have been hurt, not just Vanessa. I was so close to her grandchildren, her daughters, their husbands. We’re a close-knit family.
SORRY
“My family have been appalled by it as well. There’s been a lot of pain.
“My last conversation with Vanessa was me saying how wonderful she was, how she was the love of my life and saying how much I loved her and that I’m so, so sorry it’s happened. ‘Please find it in your heart to forgive me’. Those were the last words I said.
“Then she blocked me on her phone, on social media and never answered my emails.
“I started off by sending her an email every day saying how sorry I was. She hasn’t responded. It’s been a bit scorched earth really.”
Ben turns the clock back eight years to pinpoint the start of his troubles – meeting his lover while touring with Phats and Small.
He explains: “I met her on the gig scene. She was the same age as Vanessa, possibly older. She took a shine to me, said lots of nice things.
“Over a short period of time we had sex three times. It was purely sexual, there were no feelings involved. It felt like a chore. I just fell back into it with her to keep her sweet and everything under wraps.”
Ben says the woman, who was involved in the music scene and lived in Ibiza, wanted to continue the relationship – but he didn’t.
She then contacted Vanessa eight months later to spill the beans. Ben goes on: “I stopped it and the person hated that and kept on at me. Then she contacted Vanessa. We had to deal with it. No
one knew, but I moved out for a little while. We worked it out. She forgave me. It took her a lot to do that. I knew how hurt she was. I felt absolutely terrible.”
The couple spent years rebuilding their trust. At showbiz bashes and discussing their relationship in the media, they seemed the perfect couple.
But last year, as he dealt with the ill health and subsequent death of his beloved brother Roy, Ben turned to drink and began pulling away from Vanessa. In the spring he struck up an initially innocent friendship with a fan over social media.
But it turned into more, leading to suggestive messages and nude pictures. There were nine months of messaging up to three times a week. And Vanessa, who now works for TalkTV, found out on Christmas Day while Ben was in panto in Southsea, Hants.
Ben says: “Vanessa saw the messages. I was sex-texting somebody. It was the last straw. It’s well documented that Vanessa’s been hurt before in marriage, by infidelity, and she couldn’t take any more.
“The sexting came about from a woman that was following me on Instagram. She started complimenting me and we built a friendship.
“We’d message once a week, then twice, three times a week, then a nude. I never sent one back.
“She said ‘Oops, sorry’. I should have blocked her but I didn’t.
“A week later another one came through. Then we’d sent flirty messages back and forth. When you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking to someone who your other half doesn’t know about. I can’t justify it, I knew I was in the wrong.
“I felt guilty but it was a lighthearted relief and distraction which turned into a monster and destroyed my life.”
HURT
Detailing Vanessa’s reaction, he said: “She was shocked and hurt. She said she felt betrayed. She was going, ‘How could you? Why would you? After what we’ve been through’.
“I never had any intention of meeting the woman from Instagram. She came to one of my gigs but we never met. I initially made out I was sexting an ex – the first thing that came to mind. Vanessa was horrified.
“Then on the phone she made me tell her the truth. I told her it was a random. It was so embarrassing. I was ashamed that it was a random person.
Someone who didn’t matter took down everything that we’d built over those years.”
Vanessa had more cause for concern when a woman at one of Ben’s gigs messaged her about their flirting.
Ben goes on: “The truth had been broken again... she got the message from the Butlin’s girl.
“Even though I didn’t do anything, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Vanessa got a text saying, ‘Ben said this to me, something sexually suggestive, but he didn’t do anything’. I can’t
She gave me second chance and I’ve gone and broken her trust
BEN OFOEDU REVEALING HURT HE CAUSED VANESSA
recall saying anything. I was annoyed about it. I knew I was innocent. But it didn’t go down well.”
It was the last straw for Vanessa – whose ex-husband Michael Kurer, a surgeon, also cheated on her. Vanessa – host of a string of TV and radio shows down the years and a former contestant on Strictly Come Dancing and Celebrity Big Brother – told Ben to move out of their £3.5million home.
They had met in 2001 – two years after his chart hit Turn Around. The pair began dating in 2005 and were engaged the following year.
They hated Ben’s toyboy tag but didn’t let it stop their romance – with Vanessa famously talking about their active sex life.
After their break-up, Vanessa declared on Instagram: “It’s now clear that it’s over and I feel that you know once the trust is gone you can’t really get that back. I’m pretty disappointed and shocked about those horrible things but also full of resolve because I’m not going to let this defeat me.”
Ben, meanwhile, has been living with a church friend in London – while doing lots of soul searching.
With a sigh, he tells the Mirror: “I don’t know why I did it.
“Someone will tell me one day. I’m still processing it. It’s still fresh. I should have got some help after the first dalliance. I knew there was an insecurity. But I papered over the cracks and if you don’t tackle something it reared its head. I cheated because I was insecure. The girl in Ibiza said things like, ‘You’re such a great guy. I don’t know why you’re not married. Who wouldn’t want to marry you?’
“That, coupled with alcohol... it was a volatile situation.
“The trust was damaged and then the sexting, plus messages from people saying I’ve been doing this and that, it’s a recipe for disaster.
“Vanessa is the love of my life and she’s completely justified in how she’s reacted and behaved.
“People wrote us off from the beginning but we got through it. Then it’s gone just like that.”
Vanessa is the love of my life and is justified in how she has reacted SINGER BEN ON REGRETS OVER OTHER WOMEN