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Bile-soaked Tory conference gifts Starmer open goal

Let’s get Tory conference out of the way first. Not one to dwell on, that one. I was getting hourly updates from Manchester that were becoming increasingly desperate.

“I just want to go home, it’s too weird,” that kind of thing.

And it was. Utterly bizarre from beginning to end. From Penny Mordaunt’s bizarre fist-pumping, finger pointing rallying cry to a roomful of bewildered – slightly frightened – octogenarians to Rishi Sunak’s equally bizarre giveaway of things he’s already given away.

It was probably the best speech of his to date. It just, you know, didn’t make any sense.

None of it did. Who comes to Manchester to deliver the news they’re going to scrap the rail link to, well, Manchester? Bizarre.

This column, which prides itself on not making any predictions, last week predicted Suella Braverman would continue her unhinged appearances – and she delivered.

Nothing but bile. A “hurricane” of immigration on the way. Clearly positioning herself as the right-wing option next time the Tories have a leadership contest. Horrible speech, dripping in poisonous nonsense.

Went down a storm, of course. Immediately after – as if to demonstrate her credentials as pure evil – she went outside and, I kid you not, stood on a guide dog.

Anyways. Too much time wasted on that debacle. Labour MP Chris Elmore summed it up perfectly, saying: “Chaos. The End.” Right on both counts.

Now on to Liverpool. Mr Starmer and co roll into town – on lowspeed rail – with it all to play for.

There is an open goal here. More than open, come to think of it. The openest of goals. We learnt nothing from Tory

Conference apart from they are unravelling, out of ideas and some of them stand on dogs. And we knew the first two of those anyway.

This is peak time for Labour and surely they can’t mess it up.

Although, having said that, Thursday’s policy drop was terrifying. Assisted toothbrushing. It did not bode well.

But there were more bits and pieces and in a very nice interview elsewhere in this newspaper, Mr Starmer announced £1.5billion to clear the NHS backlog. Finally, something that we can understand. Clear blue water between the Tories and Labour.

Now he’s got to go further. It’s a big speech, the one coming up, but it couldn’t come at a better time. Imploding Tories, a win in Scotland and a public ready to listen.

Do all the things the Tories didn’t and it will lock everything down.

Do pensions. Do cost of living. Do childcare. Do all the things all of us are really worried about.

A big speech, some big policy. Some vision.

To prove her credentials as pure evil she stood on a guide dog