WHERE DID I GO WRONG? ANYONE?

I WAS delighted to hear Jeremy Corbyn had got his UB40… until I remembered that the unemployment benefit form is now called a JSA. He’d actually won the backing of 1980s pop stars UB40 and called a press conference to celebrate. Ignoring the fact that there are TWO UB40 groups now – because the origina original band members are as divided as the Labour Party – Jeremy called this an “incredible endorsement.” And he says we can all“learn from the great music that’s been made by bands like UB40”. Well, I’ve been trying my best, Jezza, honestly. And while I can’t argue with the fact that red red wine goes to my head,I am absolutely none the wiser about what to do with a rat in mi kitchen. “I don’t know what I’d have done without my colleagues and a job where I can dedicate myself t o caring f or others.” Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt may have missed Nurse Bulman’s birthday. He’s been busy launching an IT initiative to get us using smartphone apps to book appointments, access medical records and order prescriptions. Because that’s obviously the best way to spend £4.4billion in an NHS facing its greatest financial crisis and still reeling from Labour wasting £12billion on its computer system. Waiting lists are the longest on record, with 3.9 million people needing routine ops. Bed-blocking has soared by 80 per cent DO you know what a VVD is? Or a Shibue? I didn’t either until an Italian model called Giulia Salemi rocked up at the Venice Film Festival without her drawers.

Her chiffon dress was slashed to the navel on both sides leaving a wisp at the front to protect her modesty. No, silly me, to flash her fou-fou at photographers and get global coverage. Seems these frocks are the latest celeb fashion fad so I imagine