Frightfully lame
Rylan baffles science
CELEB Haunted Hotel host Christine guests Lampard: “Celebrity to have been attempting world contact the spirit using white noise, which is a haphazard, nondescript, static sound made by electronic devices.” See also, X Factor’s finalists. WHOOOOO, something spooky’s happening. A ghost is introducing themselves through the ouija board’s letters.
Psychic medium Alex Gibbs: “G… Z… M… X… M… A. Where are you from? “X… I… A… L… Z… J… Y.” Yes, it’s the spirit of Gzmxma from Xialzjy. Say hello, everyone.
One of the pottiest moments from all 12 hours of the W channel’s Celebrity Haunted Hotel, live over five nights from a B&B in Pluckley, Kent, “a hotbed of paranormal activity”.
And what did they find? Nothing that couldn’t be explained rationally. Not that this was encouraged, of course. So a combination of tricks of the light, overactive imaginations, wildlife and phoney gadgets emitting indecipherable grunts were hailed as a ghost’s face in a mirror, a young poltergeist touching Emma Kennedy’s knee and a possessed bucket scaring the bejeezus out of Richard hard Arnold. They went crazy over a chandelier lier
award goes to… swinging by itself, which nobody bothered pointing out was actually caused by 6ft 4in rugby flanker James Haskell standing up and bashing his bonce on it.
No one questioned why a 19th-century farmer haunting the old dairy knew who Jamelia was or how he understood that Vogue Williams wrote a blog, both facts he “c o mmunicated” through word-generator gizmos.
Not one alleged sighting by viewers watching live YouTube footage of the three most haunted rooms was firmed up.
And psychic Alex channelled the spirit of Vogue’s late “dad” describing the fatal stroke he had after an operation, which she couldn’t possibly have known about. Well, not unless she watched Vogue Does The Afterlife, in April.
Conveniently, though, the paranormal twaddle pushers were “experiencing things after the cameras finished rolling”.
Investigator Jo Lockwood insisted: “We’veWe ve had peoplepe being tugged on, we’ve also had people being touched.” That’s not a ghost. It’s a restraining order.
But the reason I stuck with it was the contempt with which many of the celebs began treating the whole sham.
Comedian Justin Moorhouse lobbed coins from his pocket around a shed in the pitch black to spook Jamelia.
Rugby league player Keegan Hirst asked during a seance: “Spirits, is the Hokey Cokey really what it’s all about?”
Chloe Madeley wasn’t alone in having an attack of the giggles during the ouija board session and was sent from the room by Alex Gibbs.
And boyfriend James Haskell had his tongue firmly in his cheek when he shared a spooky experience: “Every now and then there’s this ghostly spectre that appears in our bathroom without any make-up on that haunts and gets into bed and is very cold and clammy and…”
Judy Finnigan, control yourself. That’s your daughter’s partner. THIS Morning’s Alice Beer demonstrating the Amazon Echo gadget, Alexa, which responds to vocal requests. “Alexa, who is Holly Willoughby?” Alexa: “Holly Willoughby is an English TV presenter and model, best known for her work with ITV.” Alice: “Alexa, who is Rylan Clark-Neal?” (Silence.) “Alexa, who is Rylan Clark-Neal?” Alexa: “Rylan ClarkNeal is a person.” Owned.