Stiff upper lip emojis
SO, Theresa May has dug her kitten heels in and is hanging on by her red manicured fingernails. But she can’t last.The Tories will surely bin her. And like husband Philip’s weekly “boy job” it’s a case of when they get to take her out, not if they get to take her out.The pollsters got it completely a***-about-face again, didn’t they? I don’t know why we bother with their Predictions before any major vote. We might as well go back to reading the runes or examining animal entrails – or THE cacophony of emergency service sirens had kept me awake for hours. I live minutes from London Bridge and the bloody attack on Saturday night felt horribly close to home. For the first time in 22 years as a Londoner I felt scared as well as outraged. Yet there I was hours later queuing to get into a pop concert – seeing hundreds of kids who’d been injured and traumatised by a suicide bomber being herded by gun cops, having just witnessed more terror unfolding on the TV news. What the hell were they thinking? Why hadn’t the Manchester One Love benefit been cancelled? Adults may chose to jut out their jaws and invoke the Blitz spirit, but I thought this was far too soon for poor kids scarred by the horror at Ariana Grande’s previous gig. I was utterly, utterly wrong. Because what I saw on Sunday was the Glitz Spirit. A remarkable, uplifting, life-affirming rebuttal to monstrous hatemongers from a generation just as resilient as their wartime great-grandparents. It was a pink, fluffy, glittery, smiley faced emoji-fest – which proved today’s youngsters know instinctively that you can only fight hate with love. They have transformed the stiff upper lip into a glossy pucker, always ready to blow a kiss. And those defiant two-fingered V for Victory signs have been replaced by twohanded heart shapes. Walking around MODEL Kendall Jenner is guilty of a crime as gargantuan as her sister Kim Kardashian’s backside.
She has resurrected the abominable BUM BAG.
The 80s accessory once beloved of embarrassing grandads and fat American tourists had seemingly been consigned to the fashion world’s Room 101.
But then Kendall hooked her quilted divination by cheese, which the Greeks swore by. And I bet old Mystic May wishes she’d gazed into her crystal ball before calling the snap election. It’s what fortune tellers call scrying. Who’s scrying now Prime Minister? Old Trafford I met so many parents who told me: “I wasn’t sure about coming but my daughter insisted,” or “My son said we had to go or the terrorists would win.”
Even youngsters like Ella McGovern, 14, who was two steps away from the Manchester Arena suicide bomber and suffered terrible leg injuries.
She was frightened but determined to pay her respects to those who’d died – and replace her fear with happiness.
And young George Swift, 11, who was caught up in the blast and still has flashbacks, hearing ambulance sirens.
George has autism and finds any crowds or noisy places difficult.
But he put on some ear protectors, painted his face with glitter and smiled.
“Everyone looks so happy again,” he said. “It’s lovely.” And then the music started. Pharrell Williams sang Happy, telling the crowd: “I don’t see, or feel or smell any fear in this building. All I feel is love, resilience and positivity.”
And the remarkable Ariana Grande, just 23 yet so emotionally mature and in tune with her young fans that she knew this was what they needed.
“People are dancing and they’re so very happy. My heart is smiling,” she said.
By the end of the concert the police were dancing with the youngsters and the Glitz Spirit had buoyed up everyone in the colourful Manchester crowd.
Thousands of young voices joined Ariana singing her finale, Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
And the cacophony of terror was drowned out by love. black Chanel purse on to the belt of her cut-off jeans and now “fanny packs”, as the Yanks insist on calling them, are hip.
Unless you’re old or fat enough for a hip replacement – in which case they will always be naff.
If you don’t agree, here’s a picture of the last celebrity to make bum bags cool. That’s surely all the motivation you need to send them packing.