Seatbelts on for a hairy CBB ride
IT’S baaaaack! And Celebrity Big Brother’s jaw-dropping live launch on Channel 5 certainly pulled out all the stops. I was there soaking up the madness on the night and it was electric. This year’s line- up is genius. Love Island’s gone and from now on it’s all about botched silicone lips and boobs, eye-watering outfits, tears, tantrums and meltdowns in that Elstree compound. And trust me, no amount of Botox will hide the pain we are about to witness. I’m still getting over the tanned fright that was Paul “Dangerous” Danan. Oompah Loompa meets gravy-licious in a suit so bonkerslooking you couldn’t make it up. As for Brandi Glanville, one of the entitled bitches (her words) from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – favourite word c**t – she swept in with her backside on show. I’d put money on her flashing a lot more than that in the weeks ahead. It could be a rough ride for Girls Aloud’s Sarah Harding, who has already cried in every episode and said on her intro she “doesn’t like confrontation”. Er, did your agent ask if you had seen this show, Sarah? I personally persuaded THIST weeks Star of the week is KathrynK Drysdale from Channel 4’s4 The Windsors. She reappeared thisthi week as prince Harry’s other half,ha Meghan Markle and is quite franklyfr the crown Jewels. EveryE time she’s on screen she’s purep comedy gold. I love her. We Helen Lederer to enter this year. She said she wants a challenge and CBB is certainly going to give her one.
Psychic medium Derek Acorah sneaked in his spiritual guardian, Sam. I wonder if they are splitting the fee.
I’d never heard of the other Sam, from Made In Chelsea, but he seemed sweet enough, like an excitable puppy.
Mind you, he had nothing on hyperactive Jordan, who looked like he’d overdone the caffeine shots.
Turns out Jordan’s claim to fame is he’s Megan McKenna’s ex. CBB bosses know who the personalities are that will keep us gripped before we’ve even heard of them and they never get it wrong.
My eyes were on stalks at the sight of “internet star” Trisha, looking like a drunk for a last saw her on the show being mistaken on servant by Prince Charles, and getting but the wrong side of Pippa Middleton, she’ll have the last laugh if Harry proposes. You might recognise Kathryn from Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, and Benidorm, but check her out in The Windsors before the series ends next week. Cookie Monster in a trashy wedding dress. It’s great to be confident but, blimey!
Gogglebox’s Sandi was clearly having her Whitney Houston Bodyguard dream come true in what looked like a dress stolen from Cher’s wardrobe.
Sandi is one to watch – unless she’s a secret diva, as that never plays out well.
Bachelorette star Chad’s badly bitten fingernails turned me right off and glam Marissa from Mob Wives’ killer figure made me sick with envy.
Shame her dress was better than her personality but she might warm up.
If I had to say who’s most likely to do a Kinga with a wine bottle it would be Ex On The Beach babe Jemma Lucy.
Shaun Williamson’s secret mission was to act like a nervous wreck. He sidled up to Brandi: “Could you just pour water over my head, please?” Given she’s known for chucking actual wine glasses in faces of co-stars she was a brave choice.
Emma Willis was cool as ever and fabulous Rylan was in his element in Bit On The Side. So far we’ve seen Paul and Shaun doing a soap improv and reminding us all why they are no longer acting – and Jam (Jordan and Sam) subjecting Helen and Sandi to a lap dance… and it’s only just warming up. Buckle your CBB seatbelts we are in for a bumpy summer ride! WHEN it comes to done” “having some work can save no amount of money bad surgeon, as you if you get a discovered when Priscilla Presley her looks. dodgy fillers wrecked of the horror She was just one 5’s grisly stories in Channel Up Bodies. Celebrity Botched put me But the show didn’t and off... I love a nip tuck!