One hell of a bitchy battle? – you Bette
THE ghostly legend of a little girl who froze to death in a cave was at the heart of a Midsomer Murders Christmas special (The Christmas Haunting, Monday, 8pm, ITV3). With everyone trying to cash in on the ghost tours market, the local country house was on collision course with a pub. Both were the locations of brutal killings. Luckily, DCI John Barnaby (Neil Dudgeon) was on hand to investigate. Prime suspect was prodigal son Ollie Tabori (James Murray) who left the village under a cloud and returned with PTSD. Of course he wasn’t guilty. Instead it was Pippa (Hannah Tointon) the angel-faced granddaughter of the late lord of the manor. She was terrified of her family home being sold from under her and had developed an unhealthy obsession with the supernatural. Caught wielding a sword as she targeted her next victim she shrieked: “I just want the chance to be normal.” Fat chance, love! Flimsy plot aside this was an enjoyable feature length episode. All fake snow and chocolate box locations. You can’t beat a bit of murder with your mistletoe. IT was all change in Chigwell as the Birds Of A Feather Christmas Special (Monday, 9pm, ITV1) opened. Tracey (Linda Robson) was selling her house to bail out her cashstrapped sons but hadn’t told lodger Sharon (Pauline Quirke). Meanwhile, Dorian (Lesley Joseph) was looking in her diaries for clues to a man called Monty Hart whose lawyers were THERE’S nothing like battling divas to make good telly.
And BBC2 has a clash of the titans in store as American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy delves into one of the greatest rivalries of Hollywood’s golden era.
Feud: Bette and Joan (Fridays) is breathtaking TV. In my other job as a talent agent, I know a thing or two about divas. I’ve previously handled on- screen butter-wouldn’t-melt types who were such bitches in real life they make the devil look like a choir boy.
And Joan Crawford in this eight-part drama is exactly like that – ladylike on camera and an evil narcissistic witch off it.
Luckily, my clients these days are all a dream to look after. But even with my experience of handling monsters, nothing reached the Joan Crawford v Bette Davies proportions we are treated to here.
The series begins when the pair are cast together in twisted psychological thriller Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?
The movie within a movie theme plays out as a masterclass in bitchery and putdowns that would make a nun rip the plug off the telly. Susan Sarandon (Bette) and Jessica Lange act their socks off. The screen sizzles each time they meet.
Ironically, much of the plot revolves around how the stars were written off because of age. But Lange and Sarandon, at 68 and 71 prove no number defines a great actress. Their scenes light up the camera in a way younger stars today
could only dream of. Within 10 minutes, the iconic films Lange and Sarandon are known for, like King Kong or Thelma and Louise, are forgotten. They ARE Crawford and Davies and they are electric. Catherine Zeta Jones appears as actress Olivia De Havilland and sums the duo up perfectly: “For half a century they hated each other and we loved them for it.” The award nominations and hit ratings Fued is already getting proves we still do. The glorious irony, of course, is Crawford and Davies secretly envied each other. Bette craved the young Joan’s sex appeal and Joan would have given her right arm for Bette’s acting talent. Cast hounding her. Tracey was on hand to in help. “Monday the 16th – Michael the study with handcuffs,” she read aloud. “Tuesday the 17th – Dr David in the conservatory with a blindfold. It’s one long round of sexual Cluedo with you, isn’t it?’. The Th humour may be cheesier than a mature m stilton but having the Chigwell C three over for Christmas is alwaysa a joy. It all ended well, and, at 72, the brilliant Lesley Joseph shows sho no sign of slowing down.
Envied
aside by ageist studio bosses, they both needed Baby Jane to put them back on the map. Sadly, though, they couldn’t put their feelings aside long enough to get through a day on set without making director Bob Aldrich (fantastically played by Alfred Molina) tear his receding hair out.
Sarandon is a revelation as Bette – her cynical outer shell hiding a mass of deep insecurities. While Lange poignantly portrays the loneliness of Joan, watching the offers and the money dry up as she ages.
There are many brilliant supporting roles from Stanley Tucci as manipulative studio head Jack Warner, Kathy Bates as actress Joan Blondell, Judy Davis as gossip columnist Hedda Hopper and Jackie Hoffman as Crawford’s long- suffering housekeeper Mamacita.
Between the cast, there are enough Oscars to fill a cabinet that could possibly even satisfy greedy Crawford.
Feud stands alone as a fascinating study into fame, ageing and ultimately tragedy. In the movie, Jane’s last line was ‘you mean all this time we could have been friends’. If the two had been, imagine how many other amazing films they might have created. Do not miss this show.