Summer frightening
UK in chaos as May limps off to take holiday PEER’S A JUICY BIT OF GOSSIP
THE sorry sight of a Prime Minister celebrating another stay of execution is a new low even for this government.
A delighted Mrs May has limped into the summer recess securing another eight weeks in the job.
But there might be one more bit of bad news for her to take on holiday.
At the time of writing, the Tory Chief Whip Julian Smith is coming under pressure to resign.
His appalling behaviour, tricking new mum Jo Swinson into staying away from Parliament so the government could win a vote, was shameful. It could – rightly – cost him his job. Mr Smith would join a list of recent departures along with the Foreign Secretary, Brexit specialist, and a host of other junior ministers who are deserting this sinking ship.
You could almost – almost – feel sympathy for Mrs May.
It will be a long summer for her. One in which she can finally understand what life on a zero-hours contract is like – checking her phone every morning to see if she still has a job.
Her already angry mob of backbenchers will return home to their constituencies to spend August being berated by local activists furious about the bungling of Brexit.
Many a constituency barbecue is going to be ruined because no one wants a row over the customs union while they’re trying to keep an eye on their bangers.
Added to the febrile atmosphere are the long- I THOUGHT I had stumbled across the latest Westminster sex scandal when I overheard two elderly – they’re not all old – members of the House of Lords chatting at lunch.
The two were whispering just loud enough for their term aims of some of the big beasts. Boris lurks, Jacob Rees-mogg plots, Gove sits and waits. Also in the background, Labour have glided smoothly ahead in the polls, new policies are set to be announced and they are on an election footing. But although this is not an easy time for Mrs May it’s even worse for the rest of us. Because as this drama plays out in the back offices
ONE Tory MP is taking the state of the party particularly hard. He was pouring his heart out to a No10 official who was trying to reassure him.
“Don’t worry,” said the staffer, “We’re going to get lots of local members in here to give their views. We’re taking the pulse of the Conservative Party.”
“Well you need to **** ing hurry up,” replied the senior figure, “I don’t think the patient’s got long.” conversation to reach my table. One was saying: “They’re lovely. Soft to the touch, just how you like them.”
“I must come round one night,” said his colleague, “And sample them.”
“You must. They are, if I do of Whitehall, country mansions and fundraising events, the country is suffering. The NHS, police, education, housing are in meltdown. Then there are local councils, prisons, roads, buses, trains, libraries, swimming pools.
A competent government would be able to handle Brexit while introducing some radical thinking, having serious conversations about serious issues. Not this lot. Their last effort at large-scale thinking was their plan to properly fund say so myself, quite amazing.” The first then clocked my obvious interest – I had dropped my spoon – and gave me a big smile.
“Sorry to disappoint, old boy,” he told me, “We’re just comparing raspberries.” the NHS, notable only because they drew it up without using a calculator. It unravelled in a couple of hours. So they returned to sideshows and pumping out policies that are no use to anyone. Take last week, for example. At a time when the country is in crisis the government announced a policy about bringing spaceships to Scotland.
Great news for Scottish astronauts, and final proof that this terrible government truly is from another planet. FORMER Lib Dem leader Tim Farron missed a Brexit vote last week because he was giving a lecture about gay sex. Mr Farron has complex and not entirely straightforward views on the matter. The best response came from the SNP’S Defence Spokesman Stewart Mcdonald, who tweeted: “I think Tim Farron talks about gay sex more than anyone I know. And I’m gay.”