Done? Oh yes she is

Brexit panto is last bow for PM who lost control

PANTOMIME season. You have to love it. All the stars come out.

Frazer Hines. Remember Frazer Hines? Emmerdale, Doctor Who. Great man.

He was in Peter Pan in Lincoln back in the day and got a little girl on stage to join in the fun.

“Who are you here with?” asked Frazer. “Me mam and me uncle George,” said the youngster.

“Oh. Who’s Uncle George?” “He’s the man who comes and stays when me dad’s away driving his truck.”

Genie

Brought the house down. Mother, daughter, and Uncle George left before the interval ice cream.

There really is nothing like it. All the stars: Dennis. Biggins. Lusardi.

In Southampton this year, Phil Mitchell from Eastenders is King Rat to Bobby Davro’s Dick Whittington. Almost irresistible.

But there is no need to trek down to the south coast to see Bobby Davro’s Dick – save your Christmas money.

Because the most fantastic pantomime of all is about to unfold.

By the time you read this, we – as a species – will have endured almost 40 hours of Brexit debate.

MPS talking solidly about Brexit. Five days. Eight hours a day. And on Tuesday,

Mother Goose herself will appear in Parliament to try to sell her Brexit deal one last time. Won’t work.

And, with apologies for mixing pantos, this is the woman who went to Brussels and sold the country for beans, Not even magic beans. Just beans that, under her deal’s terms, would probably get held up at Dover, then stuck in a traffic jam at Kent, then cost us 10 per cent more than they did before.

Old Widow Twankey got beat three times last week. Tuesday will be number four. Then that’s it. The old pie in the face routine, Barry Chuckle style (RIP).

Because where do you go after a beating like that?

She has l i mited options: I reckon she quits or – more likely – calls a general election.

If she tries to go on, people are very gently going to take her to one side and remind her what has just happened.

Mrs May has lost control of her party, therefore her government, therefore the country. It is time to say goodbye.

Zombie

And never mind “Oh, no it isn’t” – it really is. The genie is out of the bottle. How has this happened?

Brexit. Easy as. It has left her with nowhere to go.

It has meant the country has gone to pot with public services and the NHS in crisis. And she couldn’t do anything because this is not a proper government. It never has been.

It is a zero- hours zombie government that has l urched f r om disaster to disaster.

The other problem? Her own party. Those fervent Brexiters have never settled on having a Remainer in charge. But the end is in sight.

They’ll be rubbing their hands like Aladdin villain Abanazar.

Altogether now: “Theresa. They’re behind you.”

Always have been.