Stop dying of shame

THE morons who desecrated the RAF Bomber Command statue and four other London memorials will soon be caught.

Public outrage, widespread news coverage and CCTV images will help cops root out the vile vandals who daubed white paint on statues of our brave war heroes.

And we all yearn to see them get their just deserts.

Squadron Leader George “Johnny” Johnson, 97, the last surviving Dambuster, spoke for the nation.

“How disrespectful to the people who gave their lives so that ON his TV show The Man From Auntie, comedian Ben Elton did a sketch about cervical smear tests.

It was 1994 and some people were shocked and embarrassed, complaining that graphic gynaecological jokes had no place on the BBC under the name “alternative comedy”.

But I found it hysterical.

I’d recently had my first smear test and, having worried unnecessarily for weeks, thought humour could tackle the taboo for others.

Returning every three years, I’d remember Ben marvelling at a woman’s ability to endure “an ice cold, duck-billed torpedo being shoved up your khyber”.

And joking that the most terrifying phrase in a doctor’s vocabulary was: “Knees apart, keep your bottom down, I am about to drive something not dissimilar to a Ford Cortina into your vagina.”

But in his OTT routine Ben also drove home the message to young women: “You’ve got to do this, it’s terribly important.”

In the 25 years since, tests for cervical cancer have changed no end.

Those scary metal speculums have been replaced by disposable ones in varying sizes.

So an experienced nurse can do the biz in 30 seconds with minimum discomfort – as we saw on Friday’svictoria Derbyshire TV show. But why did they need to demonstrate trate this live on BBC2?

Because cervical screening uptake ptake is at a 21-year low.

Five million women are overdue erdue for testing and polls show 80 per r cent of the 25 to 35-year-old delayers rs feel “too body-conscious” to attend.

Worrying about how they y look “downstairs” and ashamed of being examined means they’re missing potentially life-saving tests.

Taboos

Yet some would happily visit a beautician for an eye-watering Brazilian wax.

Around 3,200 British women are diagnosed with cervical cancer each year. A thousand die from it. But rates are predicted d to rise 40 per cent in the next two decades.

After the reality TV star Jade de Goody, 27, died from the cancer in 2009, 400,000 extra women attended their screenings. gs.

But now that Jade effect has been een wiped out, aided by unreal body images on n social media.

We need to break these new w taboos and remove the fear from the smear. r.

Or, as cervical cancer charities warn, “women will die from embarrassment”.

That’s a shocking and terrifying ying phrase in anyone’s vocabulary.

I USED to think Danny Dyer was a right fraud. That his Cockney geezer routine was far too mint and back in his gaff with his trotters up he probably spoke the Queen’s f****** English perfectly.

But I was a right muppet. Like the intellectual snobs who slagged off his new BBC show before they’d seen it.

Eastenders star fronting a history series? Shameful! Where was that lovely Lucy Worsley with the lisp, the Oxford degree and day job curating historic royal palaces? Sod that – make way for the king! Yes, Danny Dyer’s these thugs have the freedom to carry out such acts,” he said. “I hope they are caught and suitably punished.”

But they’re never going to be“suitably punished” are they?

Even if they got the maximum sentence for vandalism of six months in prison and a £5,000 fine, which is highly unlikely.

Because there’s no suitable punishment for the unspeakable act of desecrating a symbol of courage, sacrifice, and national pride.

Unless, of course, they could get some “community service” at RAF Credenhill in Hereford. Home to the SAS. That would turn their cowardly faces white, wouldn’t it?

Right Royal Family is TV gold. Seeing him discover his ancestors – he’s a direct descendant of King Edward III – had me laughing my socks off.

Especially when he ate a sheep’s head and had to dash to the khazi then found out his ancestors had their regal clobber whitened with urine by servants p****** on them.

Danny’s enthusiasm is infectious and will bring history alive for millions.

I can’t wait for episode two, when he gets his Tudor gear on. Because Danny is a genuine ruff diamond.