‘So what if I get called a granny at the school gates’
Business owner Kate Lowe, 48, from Swindon, has a one-year-old son, Elliot, with her husband Ben, 44. They also have Alex, aged nine. Ben has two sons, aged 16 and 18, from his first marriage, and Kate has two boys, now 26 and 23, from her first marriage.
When I hear about celebrities like Naomi Campbell having babies at 50, I think, “Good on them.” More women are having babies later and why shouldn’t they? It annoys me when blokes have young families in their sixties and seventies and no one cares, while women get judged for being “old”.
I had my first two sons in my early twenties. Then my marriage broke down when I was 36.
When I met my second husband Ben – who also had two kids – we wanted a baby together. Happily, Alex arrived when I was 39. Then, in 2019, my period was late. I assumed I was perimenopausal, but it turned out I was pregnant.
Aged 46, I was more anxious this time around because of the risks of chromosomal defects.
The odds of having a child with Down’s syndrome rise to 1 in 30, so we paid to have a private, non-invasive test to check the baby’s DNA.
We discussed all eventualities and decided that having a baby with special needs wouldn’t be fair as we already had five children. Yet despite doctors warning of complications, Elliot arrived safely – and healthy – in May 2020, via a planned C-section. It was the easiest of all my births and Elliot has been a dream ever since.
I didn’t get extra stretch marks but, boy, did
I feel more tired as an older mum. Waking up for two-hourly feeds is way more shattering in your forties and my back aches more from bending over the cot. I was also more grumpy. However, from past experience, I knew the exhaustion would pass.
Breastfeeding was easy. With my other boys, I stopped at six months. With Elliot, knowing he’s my last, I’m still going. He’s a boob monster and I’ll feed him until he wants to stop.
Elliot’s big brothers all help to look after him, so I have more support than when I was a young mum. And I also know what kit I need – just a simple pushchair with a newborn insert, instead of the heavy carry cot/car seat combination I had before. My back simply wouldn’t have coped with that this time.
Organic baby food has vastly improved these days, and video monitors are a godsend, so
I can see Elliot’s OK and I don’t rush in fussing each time he cries. I use disposable nappies, but I’ve ditched the single-use wipes in favour of eco-friendly washable cloths.
Finding support
I’ve had no criticism for deciding to have a baby late in life, but when I’m sitting with younger first-time mums at playgroups, we’re on a totally different page. But there are plenty of other mums in their forties too – it is far more common now,
and there are supportive Facebook groups.
I’ve worried that when Elliot reaches his teens I will be in my sixties, and that he might lose me when he’s still young, but both my parents are healthy in their seventies and I hope I will be too. You have to live in the now.
If someone mistakes me for Elliot’s granny at the school gates, so what? I’ll smile and say, “No, I’m the mum.” The best thing about getting older is caring less about what other people think.
You’re often wiser, more financially secure, and in a better place career-wise. I feel younger than 48 anyway. I still have periods, but when I do start the menopause, I’ll consider HRT.
I’m all for older women having babies if they want to. Don’t let age hold you back.