Keeping it trauma-free
Leading psychologist
Dr Alison Mcclymont welcomes the new law, believing it will remove
“the nastiest part” of one party having to “bring a case against their spouse”.
“Divorce has become so commonplace we minimise the trauma of it,” she says. “Many couples think, ‘We’ll keep this pleasant, we’ll just split everything half and half.’ Then during the legal process they become greedy or resentful. It’s the lawyer’s job to get the best deal for their client, sometimes ruthlessly losing sight that their ‘opponent’ is a former spouse.”
Here are her tips for managing your mental health in the fallout from a break-up…
Treat divorce like bereavement
“Divorce is deeply traumatic for the whole family – it’s a death of a life together and shared dreams. Allow yourself to grieve. It’s OK to not want to look at the wedding photos or clear out your spouse’s cupboard right now. Both parents should seek mental support through either a professional, friends or family.”
Grieve for lost
friends and identity
“It’s also OK to grieve for friendships you shared as a couple, or miss your ex-partner’s family. Accept that it’s hard to unpick a life together. It’s
OK to feel disappointment that your wedding day hopes didn’t pan out, too.”
Make plans for life post-divorce
“Where will you live? What new freedom might you have? Imagine a positive place in 10 years’ time. A divorce can feel overwhelming, but with maturity and diplomacy you can move to being a different kind of family, but with harmony.”
Put the children first
“You’ve been married maybe half your life, but they’ve been in this family their entire life. Their whole world has been ruptured. Be compassionate, get them emotional support and acknowledge their grief may involve anger towards you. Never bad-mouth your ex in front of them – remember, they will always be your kids’ parent.”
Share and be kind
“In most cases it’s in the best interest of children to spend equal time with both parents. Discuss with them the logistics of shared custody. Let them decorate a new room. And allow them space to air their feelings.”