Butter future for rich PM
MY breakfast toast has been disappointingly dry this week as I’ve run out of Lurpak Spreadable.
I popped down to Asda to pick up another tub but was stunned to discover the Danish butter blend has shot up in price by 33% and now costs £6 for 500g.
I tried Sainsbury’s, but they only had 750g tubs for £7.25 while at Iceland it was £9.35 for a kilo, thanks to soaring inflation and a 7% hike in the price of rapeseed oil which makes the butter spreadable.
So it’s hardly surprising that stores are now putting security tags on Lurpak, to stop desperate butter bandits running off with the little silver treasure chests.
It’s a shocking sign of the depth of the cost-of-living crisis. With food prices predicted to soar even further a family of four’s shopping could cost an extra £43 by next month.
And as a deep recession looms the average family could be up to £1,200 poorer by next year.
But not the Johnson family, obviously. They don’t have to worry about their bread and butter. Because Boris, Carrie, Wilf and Romy are already looking forward to a golden future – like the one he referenced in his resignation speech.
A future this deceitful, deluded, dud of a Prime Minister reckons he was leading us ALL towards until “the herd” turned on him.
I thought I’d be utterly overjoyed when Boris was finally toast, but his resignation has left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Because I can’t stop thinking of the fortune he’s going to make from speaking fees, book deals and renting out his posh homes.
Not to mention the £18,860 severance pay we taxpayers will hand him when he finally moves out of No 10 in October.
So while ordinary families struggle to spread their incomes Boris will be raking in around £3million next year.
Enough for 500,000 tubs of a popular product that many Brits now can’t buy. Remember that
1993 episode of Have I Got News For You when Labour’s former Deputy Leader Roy Hattersley cancelled for the third time?
He was replaced by a big tub of lard which, Paul Merton said: “Possessed the same qualities and was liable to give a similar performance.”
So I shall now think of Boris as the spreadable butter PM.
Over-packaged, not quite the real deal, mostly fat and too much will make you sick.
Best binned once past its sell-by date.