A waking nightmare

Only one thing worse than being PM is to be roused by one at 6am

THE late Terry Pratchett, in 1990’s Moving Pictures, wrote: “The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realisation that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off.”

Now we have a new winner. Earlier this week, rapper Zee Remayne – aka Splinter Sales – had his door kicked in by the police at 6am in South London. Bad enough, but tagging along was a grinning Boris Johnson wearing a bullet-proof vest.

Has there been a worse way in history, ladies and gentlemen, to be roused? Poor Zee. They still haven’t mended his door, by the way. Zee said: “I think Boris was just there because he’s leaving and I think he was just having a bit of fun before he goes.”

History

He’s been having fun for a lot longer than that really, Mr Johnson, what with the parties.

Nice that someone’s out there enjoying themselves.

The rest of us not so much.

Still, it will all be better tomorrow, no? Liz Truss (1/41 as we speak) takes charge. Traditionally, you would expect some sort of bounce for an incoming PM, but not so much for Ms Truss.

The cost of living crisis is starting to bite and we haven’t even started it properly yet.

There’s a school of thought that if Ms Truss can sweep in and put up a credible solution to the energy crisis (even if it’s only nicking Labour’s policy) then she’ll be off to a flyer. Such a flyer that thoughts might turn to an early election, like the Gordon Brown situation in 2007. (I, like many, wish GB had gone for it. He would still be in charge now probably).

An early go is unlikely, to be honest. It hinges on a couple of things, most important being a proper energy solution and there’s no sign of that. Second, is that the timing is off. A winter election would be absolute suicide. Inflation at 22%, no one putting their heating on, the creaking, creaking NHS.

At this moment in time, the safest thing is to hang around, wait for this whole thing to blow over, and stick to the plan: January 2025. Eight hundred and odd days.

You never know though. Lot of people on hair-triggers at the moment.

Bizarrely, the country wants an election. Ipsos says 51% would.

Most say because the country is in crisis, 39% (probs the Labour people) say for a change of government, and 37% say the new PM will need a new mandate.

It will be interesting to see what Labour will do.

The polling reckons Mr Starmer is in the lead over Ms Truss. And Mr Sunak, for that matter.

But would he really want an election? Does anyone really want to be in charge this winter? Labour might push for one but not too hard.

Kelly Beaver, chief executive of market researchers Ipsos, says: “Looking at recent history, the guidance isn’t clear whether they should gamble like Theresa May or be cautious like Gordon Brown.”

It’s easier than that, I reckon. First one with a plan wins.