‘Transitioning was just something I had to do’
Endurance sport helped Farrah Herbert, 51, get through tough times – and she wants her story to help others
Iremember blowing out candles on my birthday cake when I was four or five years old, closing my eyes and making a wish. There was only one thing that came to mind. Every time I blew out candles or threw a penny into a well, it was always the same. I just wished I was a girl. Throughout childhood I grew up being ashamed about my feminine feelings. I had a pony and I’d often hang out at the stables with all of the girls. Funnily enough, I was the only guy there. Being there felt like I was able to be part of the world that I was supposed to be in.
But I wasn’t able to speak to anyone about how I was feeling because it was drummed into me, and everyone else, that boys and girls played with certain toys and wore certain colours, so I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me. All I knew was that I had to keep those feelings close to me, as if they were a secret.
You are not alone
For years it felt like I was pretending to be a male, and it was all an act. It wasn’t until the arrival of the internet during my adulthood that I realised there were other people who had the same feelings. Suddenly I wasn’t alone and there were things that I could do.
However, while realising that I had gender dysphoria was a huge revelation, by then I’d already buried those feelings. I was married and I had two children at that point. I thought while I could transition, it might cause me to lose everything. I was worried about losing my job and my family, so I kept hiding who I was.
Then, years later when I was in my forties, the constant dripping tap effect got too much for me. For me, transitioning wasn’t really a choice, it was something that I had to do. I suppose I made the decision to transition while I was sitting on the side of a lake with my pockets full of rocks – I considered taking my own life. I knew I had to try to fight for it though. If I lost my family, I lost my family, but at least
I’d have given it a try. Telling my wife and my children was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I’ve rock climbed on cliffs without ropes, but telling everybody that I knew and loved that I was transgender, that I was suffering from gender dysphoria and that I was going to transition, was the hardest thing in the world.
Fortunately my family stood by me. While my marriage didn’t last, I’m understanding of that and I’m still good friends with my ex-wife. I’m also still in my children’s lives which is amazing and I now have a granddaughter. My circle of friends did get smaller, but that wasn’t a loss. If somebody decides not to be your friend after you transition, they weren’t really your friend in the first place. So while I’ve got a much smaller circle of friends, they are real friends.
It’s a bonus really.
It’s almost a decade now since I started my transition and times have changed a lot. At the time I had to get a letter from a psychiatrist to confirm I wasn’t going mad before I was able to see a GP. I’ve still got that letter. It’s quite funny
‘I was worried about losing my job and family’
to look back on – I might get it framed.
Following 18 months, I finally got an appointment at the gender identity clinic. After three or four visits, I received signatures from two clinical psychiatrists who confirmed I did have gender dysphoria. From then I was put on testosterone blockers and prescribed oestrogen.
I effectively went through female puberty, so I started growing breasts. It was at that moment that I started to feel like myself. I was finally developing an identity I was comfortable with. I was going out and being seen as a woman,
I was accepted in my workplace as a woman and I was living my life. Around six years ago, I had the operation.
Inspiring others
The further you go down transition, you realise that your identity is who you are and you no longer have to hide anything. A huge weight came off of my shoulders. Throughout it all, sport has been there for me. It’s always played a role in my life, from those days at the stables to going to gym clubs. If I’m feeling down or my mental health has taken a hit, going for a swim, run or hopping on a bike makes me feel better.
It can be hard to go outside and exercise when it’s cold, so I book endurance events that require training. I’ve done Ironman triathlons and a 10km swim at London’s Royal Docks and I’ll be doing the Ride Across Britain nine-day cycling event in September to raise money for Children With Cancer UK.
I share my experiences on social media and I often get messages saying that I’ve inspired others to become healthier, and trans women tell me that they liked running before but didn’t think they’d be accepted and I’ve motivated them to get out there. I think that’s amazing.
I think society is getting better, but my hope for the future is that we are accepted and that trans women are treated like human beings. From my experience, dreams do come true. You just have to blow out a lot of candles.
TO DONATE TO FARRAH’S FUNDRAISER, VISIT GIVENGAIN.COM/ CHAMPION/FARRAH-HERBERT-1010495. FOR MORE ON THE EVENT, VISIT RIDEACROSSBRITAIN.COM. THE BABBLE RIDE ACROSS BRITAIN COVERS 980 MILES FROM LAND’S END TO JOHN O’GROATS. IT IS ORGANISED BY THRESHOLD SPORTS, WHICH IS WORKING WITH LDN RIDERS TO ENCOURAGE CYCLISTS ACROSS THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY TO TAKE ON GREATER CHALLENGES