THIS MAN W NKS * INTO THE MASH AT CARVERIES
IF you see this man when you are sitting down to lunch at your local carvery, DON’T eat the mashed potato.
For the chances are that he has emptied a sample of his curdled SEMEN into the creamed spuds.
This is warped Julian Hoffman, a 64- year- old whose filthy antics will appal every right- thinking person.
Last night eateries were told to be on the lookout after an investigation found he has squirted his foul cock- seed into heated bowls of mash up and down the country.
Hoffman was spotted “acting suspiciously” around the mash at a carvery in central England just two weeks ago.
When staff investigated, they spotted a stray pubic hair atop the creamy potatoes and instantly took them from the heated display.
Released
On closer inspection, a fluid – later found to be semen – was discovered in the mashed potato.
Examination of CCTV footage identified Hoffman, who was released from prison last year after serving 18 months for a spunk- in- soap- dispensers rampage across the East Midlands.
It’s thought that since he was first spotted emptying his spunk into mash, at least FOUR DOZEN more carveries may have been contaminated.
Public health investigators took the unusual step of naming Hoffman and publishing his photograph in the hope that his latest spree can be brought to a swift halt.
Graham Lennard of the Health and Food Threat Taskforce said: “Carveries may not be everyone’s cup of tea but that’s not the point here.
“Eating a heap of overcooked vegetables, dry meat and rock- hard Yorkshires while surrounded by screaming, snotty- nosed kids of unwaged scumbag parents may be an idea that chills your blood.
“But even these sub- Jeremy Kyle creatures don’t deserve to be eating some pervert’s sticky white love- piss.”
Lennard added: “We don’t know why this man empties his ejaculatoid liquids into mashed potatoes – apart from the fact he’s a ruddy nutter, of course.
“Can I say ‘ ruddy nutter’ these days?”