Boob-whacking put me off my stroke!

Dear Krystal, THERE’S nothing I like more than a huge great pair of melons swinging in my face as my woman is riding me.

I love the look and feel of huge plate- sized nips bouncing off my face as her motion rocks them back and forth and I try to catch them with an inward suck of air as they close in on my mouth.

The bigger the mammary the better I like it and I’m hooked up with a mammoth bird with the biggest tits I’ve ever seen – in order to fulfil my desire.

She’s up for most things and likes it when I spunk my load over her mush after a decent session.

But last week she hurt me when she swung her left tit into my face and almost broke my f*** ing nose with it. Now I’m scared about our love- making. How do I get round this?

MD, Kent Krystal says… OH, you big baby, it’s just like a bike… when you fall off you get right back on and start riding again. If you don’t, you’ll be missing out on those lovely big knockers won’t you?! Dear Krystal, I’VE been in Germany over the last few days and before I went I was a little wary of the women – as I’d heard they could be quite miserable. How wrong can one Englishman be?! Within an hour of touchdown I was being frisked by a pretty frauline with blonde pigtails and she made extra sure I had nothing to declare in my tight trousers.

Her fingers slipped inside my undies and pulled my foreskin up and down in her quest to find some hidden gem.

And within a minute she’d uncovered a moist mess, I can tell you!

She smiled and told me to go on my way, sliding her mobile number into my pocket as I went.

Then I spent the whole week at her apartment, shagging the arse off it.

I have to say, though, I saw absolutely f***- all of Germany and I’ll have to go back to make sure I get a better look around soon.

Are all Kraut birds like this?

PF, Lancs Krystal says… I THINK you got a good one there. Lucky bugger!