ANT AND DEC GOT LOST IN MY BUM CRACK
Bathtime horror for 35-stone Jenny
MEN shall never know what goes on in that conglomeration of gristle, glitter and sawdust that woman have the temerity to call a brain.
So it will remain a mystery quite why bulky Jenny Stoate decided to share a bath with her pet goldfish, who she named Ant ‘ n’ Dec.
What we DO know is that the pair of former fairground fish didn’t survive the ordeal – as they got FLATTENED between 35- stone Jenny’s hefty buttocks. And – due to the fact that Jen’s circumference prevents her reaching her own arse crevice – it was TWO DAYS before a volunteer was found to fish them out.
Red- faced Jenny, 26, said last night: “I always used to take Ant ‘ n’ Dec’s bowl into the bathroom with me so they didn’t get lonely.
“Last weekend I decided that they could get in the bath with me. I think the water was a bit hot for them as they soon seemed in some distress.
“I tried to get hold of them and lift them back into their bowl but I couldn’t reach. That’s when I felt them swim into my bum crack.
“Try as I might, I could not shift the little rascals.
Stench
“After a couple of days – with the receny heat, the stench became unbearable – I had to phone a friend who scraped Ant ‘ n’ Dec out with a stick.”
Although she was none the worse for her ordeal, Jenny, of Crewe, Cheshire, went to get herself checked out by her doctor. She said: “The doctor said I should not suffer any lasting harm, although he said there was an outside chance I could get finrot of the ringpiece.
“But I think he was joking about that.”
Last night a source close to the real Ant ‘ n’ Dec said Jenny was in the “thoughts and prayers” of the Tyneside- reared showbiz ubiquities.