MY DOG TALKS BOLLOCKS
EXCLUSIVE Foul-mouthed mutt refuses to say ‘sausages’
WHEN Craig Rolph saw a YouTube clip of a dog saying “Sausages” on the late, unlamented BBC show That’s Life, he knew his pooch could do better.
And chocolate Labrador Buttons did not let his IT consultant owner down.
But instead of growling the name of an offal- in- intestines breakfast treat, Buttons let rip with a full- throated bellow of “BOLLOCKS!”
Craig, 25, from Levenshulme, Manchester, immediately contacted his favourite newspaper to share his joy and pride. He explained: “I was watching some old clips of a stupid old TV programme called That’s Life.
“It was presented by Esther Rantzen ( right) – you know, the one who goes on TV to say how it wasn’t her fault that she ignored all those paedo rumours about Jimmy Savile.
“Anyway, there was this dog that supposedly said ‘ sausages’. And they say telly is shit today!
“But it gave me an idea to see if me and my dog could grab a slice of fame.
“I’d had a fair bit of gin – as it was a Wednesday afternoon – and decided to see if our Buttons could talk.
“Sure enough, he COULD talk. But instead of saying ‘ sausages’ he said ‘ bollocks’.
Dirty
“Well, he’s got a dirty mind. Always sniffing other dogs’ arses and humping women’s legs.”
It’s unclear whether Buttons, who is six years old, knows what he’s saying, but he clearly enjoys all the attention he gets after ejaculating the obscenity. Craig said: “I always give Buttons a chocolate drop and a tickle on his tummy after he says ‘ bollocks’. Talent like that you have to foster.”
Now Craig hopes to get his hound on the next series of Britain’s Got
Talent.
He said: “A dog saying bollocks may not be earth- shattering but it’s a f*** sight better than that Chinaman with the paints the other week.”