THIS MAN LICKS PUB URINALS
Oddball banned from every boozer in Britain
MEET John Garfield – in fact, DON’T meet John Garfield... if you see John Garfield, flee in the opposite direction as though your eternal soul depended on it.
Because the 54- year- old former bricklayer has the vilest hobby in all of God’s Creation: He LICKS pub urinals!
And not the sweet- smelling, well- scrubbed piss- drains you find in the parish’s lovelier hostelries.
Garfield, of Crewe, Cheshire, loves nothing more than to run his tongue over the stained, reeking and fly- buzzed troughs in the sort of fighty pubs frequented by quivering dipsomaniacs and women of low repute.
Needless to say, his pastime does not meet with the wholehearted approval of all who witness it and Garfield has been at the centre of several bloody conflagrations over recent years.
Now the courts have moved to stop Garfield’s provocative antics.
Tired of handing down repeated small fines for public order offences, magistrates last week issued an ASBO banning
I never did anyone any harm – I was the victim
Garfield from EVERY pub in Britain.
Using powers normally deployed to tackle habitual drunkards and those who become violently unruly in drink, they warned sick Garfield that he faces JAIL if he enters any licensed premises in the next two years.
Last night the embittered oddball raged against his penalty.
He said: “I never did anyone any harm. I was always the victim.
“People may not understand what I do but that is not my problem.
“I feel that my right to enjoy a family life has been compromised by this ASBO and, as such, is contrary to the Human Rights Act.
“I shall find a solicitor to pursue my case. That’s proving a little difficult at the moment as most of the lawyers I’ve approached so far refuse to take my predicament seriously.”