Les Miserable
THE World Cup is underway, and while the football is mostly brilliant, all the other sh* t that goes on around the tournament makes my hoop sting with irritation.
The shops are chock full of England- related tat – red and white afro wigs, bowler hats, sunglasses, flags and other assorted bollocks. If you threw it all on a bonfire, you could generate enough heat to obliterate the sun and heat the planet for 50 years.
Then there’s the ‘ unofficial’ England songs – a bunch of unholy dins that are usually knocked together in a spare room by a couple of students, who dress up as bellends and film a totally amateurish video for their songs down the park.
They justify their existence by saying they’ve done it to raise money for charity, which is the ultimate cop- out.
I’ve listened to these songs, and there’s going to be more people contracting brain cancer from hearing them than will be cured from the £ 14 they’ll be lucky to raise. IT’S Father’s Day today! Best wishes to all of the great dads out there who, if they’ve got any sense, can spend the day avoiding their kids by f*** ing off down the pub and watching the football. LOOKS like I’ve been passed over for the Queen’s Birthday Honours list yet again, in spite of the fact that I’ve kept my nose relatively clean for the past 12 months.
My probation officer told me that if I could keep out of trouble, she’d be happy to nominate me for a CBE as a reward for all my hard earned efforts.
I still maintain that my criminal record should be unblemished – that horse already had a hard on when I started tossing it off.
Probably my own fault for filming it on my phone and sticking it on YouTube.
But if Her Majesty doesn’t want to reward ordinary hardworking citizens who are trying to turn their lives around, then that’s her problem.
My ban from the Trooping The Colour parade ended yesterday and I’ll be there this time next year, armed with some surgical gloves and bucket of warm lard.
Those stallions are going to have the time of their lives! I SEE that Westlife’s Bryan McFadden is hosting a new dating show on Channel 5.
The c** t.