Pouring popping candy under my foreskin was the biggest mistake of my life
WHAT is the taste of your childhood? Fish fingers? Corona dandelion and burdock? Despair?
For many millions, the fizz of popping candy takes them right back to innocent days of long hot summers, the Queen’s Jubilee and the man who hung about under the viaduct exposing his winkle.
But for oddball thrill- seeker Gareth Pemberton, the carbonated treat – which produces an effervescent sensation on the tongue – looked like a gateway to sexual bliss.
Fizz
And so be began inserting rocks of the novelty confection under the fleshy folds of his foreskin and enjoying the resulting “fizz”.
All would have been well, were it not for the fact that Gareth, of Northwich, Cheshire, dangerously neglects his lower- body hygiene.
Within three weeks, the sugary residue had combined with Gareth’s penile filth to create a scabbed crust.
Last night, unemployed Gareth, 36, winced: “It was astonishingly painful but the worst thing was, I was too embarrassed to go to the doctor.”
The matter reached an eye- watering climax when Gareth collapsed on Witton Street and was taken to hospital – where his infected genitals surprised even hardened medics.
Single Gareth endured an emergency circumcision and was placed on a course of powerful antibiotics to prevent the onset of flesheating infections such as necrotizing fasciitis.
Now back at home, he warned: “Put popping candy under your foreskin by all means. In itself, that is entirely harmless.
“But, for the love of God, make sure you wash your bellend afterwards.
“I made that mistake and it could well have been the biggest mistake of my life.”