DID PUTIN SNAP HIS BANJO STRING?
Speculation that Kremlin boss broke his todger in romp with ex-gymnast
DAME FINE: Kristin gets honour from Her Majesty RUSSIAN tyrant Vladimir Putin broke his COCK during X- rated romps with his sexy model girlfriend, it was sensationally claimed yesterday.
Giggling Kremlin sources reckon the soviet President even required STITCHES on his bleeding bellend as he yelped in pain.
The judo- scrapping, horse- riding hardman left critics puzzled earlier this month when he went missing for 10 days.
Rumours quickly surfaced that the ACTRESS Kristin Scott Thomas has been made a dame at a ceremony at Buckingham Palace – but we’ve already admired her GONGS!
The 54- year- old actress was presented with her damehood by the Queen, whom she will play on the London stage next month in The Audience.
“She asked me what I was doing next so I had to tell her. She said it would be quite a challenge,” the English Patient star told reporters.
Presumably Her Majesty DIDN’T mention the SIXTEEN movies in which Kristin’s got her boobs and even MINGE out!
She was engaged in a red- hot shagging scene in the 2009 movie Leaving and in 1993’ s Body and Soul, both of which we’ve pictured here.
One fan said: “I’d give Kristin the Order of the Purple Bellend. Phwooaar!” 62- year- old had flown to Switzerland to attend the birth of his child to girlfriend Alina Kabaeva, a red- hot 31- year- old former gymnast.
Painful
Some even suggested that Putin had DIED, as an official spokesman denied rumours of an “illness” – saying the leader had simply been “attending meetings”.
Now, after Putin eventually popped- up in St Petersburg on Monday last week, a more painful explanation has been offered.
Our source revealed: “Vladimir is only human. And like many men have done in the past, he was unfortunate enough to have suffered a sex- related injury to his penis while in bed with Alina.
“It’s commonly known as ‘ snapping the banjo string’, and while it sounds hilarious it’s actually damn painful.
“There was some blood and much panic, and Vladimir had to be attended to by a doctor.
“It was very embarrassing for him – someone who trades on his reputation as a man’s man.
“He was in some discomfort and didn’t want to be seen in public wincing when he sat down or crying in agony when he visited the toilet.
“Eventually the swelling subsided and he was able to return to work. But he’s keen for the whole sorry incident to be kept strictly ‘ top secret’.”
It could be some time, though, until Putin is able to start knobbing his super- fit bird again – despite how gorgeous she looks in our photos!