JEZZA DRAG QUEEN STOLE MY Y-FRONTS
FED- UP Barry Holt snapped when a burly transvestite stole his underpants and used them to clean himself after an outdoor nookie romp.
What’s more, the pantspilfering petticoat- wearer turned out to be the spitting image of Top Gear presenter JEREMY CLARKSON.
Barry, of Chorley, Lancs, has been plagued by sex people in his back alley for months but his patience snapped when a hairy arm reached over his back wall and snatched the Y- fronts from his washing line.
Squelches
Former typesetter Barry, 65, said: “I’d say I’m as broadminded as the next man, but it’s just not on. We have all kids of carryings- on in that ginnel until all hours of the night.
“There’s yelps and squelches and all sorts. I remember a time when the worst thing that could happen in the ginnel was kids setting dustbin alight.
“Now we get this sort of mither. You have to draw a line somewhere and when they start pinching my underpants that line’s been crossed.”
Describing the theft, Barry said: “I was looking out of the back window and saw this ruddy big hairy arm.
Swiped
“It reached over back wall and swiped my undies.
“I ran out of the back door and yelled ‘ Hey, being my pants back, y’dirty bugger’.
“I opened the gate and there was this fella dressed as a woman, wiping his downstairs with my pants. The dirty bastard.
“Queerest thing was, he
looked just like that Jeremy Clarkson off the telly.
“I only saw him for a few seconds because he took to his toes and were off into the night.”
Needless to say, the transvestite in Barry’s back entry was NOT under- fire Clarkson but local man John Thompson.
Petticoat
Divorced Thompson, who posts pictures of himself in ladies’ attire on his Facebook page, said: “I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Barry for taking off with his underpants.
“Unfortunately, I’d taken quite a lot of poppers and was not quite thinking straight. I just wanted to avoid getting anal sex froth on my petticoat.
“I’d offer to get Barry some new underpants but I’m not sure he’d approve of my taste.”
Due to Section 74 of the Criminal Justice Act 2008, we are unable to print Barry’s reply.