DEADLY LONGLEGS

Kim’s boffins send an army of poison death bugs to UK

DEMENTED North Korea dictator Kim Jong Un has launched an attack on the West using swarms of venomous DADDY LONGLEGS! WRONG UN: North Korean dictator Kim is behind invasion of mutant bugs ( left) have already released swarms of the killers in western countries, including the UK, where they will mingle with the native daddy longslegs population.

The development is particularly chilling at this time of year, when millions of them come into homes to hibernate for the winter.

Research

Prof Rolf Harbinger, lead scientist at the University of West Lancashire Department of Insects, said: “There has long been speculation in the insect community that craneflies’ mouthparts would eventually evolve and be able to pierce human skin. NOT LONG NOW: Deadly swarms are on way

“It seems the North Korean research has accelerated that development by many millennia and I can’t emphasise strongly enough how terrifying this is. Cranefly venom causes a truly horrible end – shivering shits, convulsions and eventual, inevitable death.

“This is an act of war against the West and needs an immediate military response. Until then, my advice would be to twat every daddy longlegs you see with a rolled- up newspaper.

“Not all of them will be killers but you can’t take the chance.”

In recent months there’s been growing concern about Kim’s increasingly iron- fisted rule and sabre- rattling.

North Korea successfully test- fired a submarine- launched ballistic missile off its east coast in August, two days after South Korea and the U. S. began annual military exercises in the South.