Fairtrade ‘ moves porn forwards’

GEORDIE Shore’s Scotty T has revealed he lost his virginity to a PANCAKE!

The 28- year- old said his first shag was with a girl who he nicknamed ‘ Pancake’ because of her flat and wide face.

In his autobiography, A Shore Thing, Scott is brutally honest about the night he popped his cherry as a teenager.

Describing the girl he bonked, Newcastle- born Scott said: “This girl looked like a pancake. She was horrible, her face was flat and wide.

“She was not a beauty, but hey, I was a horny teenage boy so I carried on talking to her and feeding her booze.

“After a few hours of drinking we were pretty pissed and me mate suggested that we take the girls back to his place ’ cos his parents were away.

“When we got back to his house, he told me to take Pancake Face into his brother’s ( room). Before long we had pulled off all our clothes and were kissing and then, without saying a word, I made me move and I was in!

“After about 10 seconds I felt an almighty surge. ‘ Wow, that was fast,’ I thought. I’d had sex, I was nee longer a virgin! I was a man!” A GOVERNMENT minister has called for a Fairtrade logo to be displayed on ethically- produced PORN!

Health minister Gabriel Wikström said: “We won’t regulate this from the state… I think that’s the wrong road to go down.

“It would be difficult to create any kind of labelling for porn.

“But I think one should try to take a Fairtrade perspective on it, for example, in which way has it been produced?

“Then you can move forward in minimising porn that is misogynistic and produced under bad conditions. It’s good that this question is being talked about and it comes to light.”

The Swedish minister also wants pornography production to be carbon- neutral and to not use or involve any endangered species. COME on fellas! What are you waiting for? 1,000s of horny women like our Katie here are looking for no- strings encounters with ordinary guys like you. They don’t care about looks, age or anything other than a working c** k!