HE TAKES ALL THE WEEK’S NEWS & PULLS ITS PANTS DOWN
THE New Year starts with shocking reports of a major celebrity barney between football poser David Beckham and former F1 boss Ron Dennis.
The pair allegedly got into a heated row in a swanky holiday resort in the Maldives – over seating arrangements to watch David’s wife Posh sing an old Spice Girl’s number.
Presumably they both wanted to be as far away from the stage as possible, where she wouldn’t see them praying for another tsunami. GAY rugby star Gareth Thomas is among the big names revealed to be a contestant in the new series of Channel 4’ s winter sports show, The Jump.
I imagine Gareth has long been a fan of the event when four burly chaps try to get into a Bob as quickly as possible.
Although he does wish Bob would give someone else a turn. FORMER politician turned national laughing stock Ed Balls is unveiled as a new panellist on the ITV show Loose Women. I thought the sassy gals on that show already had “plenty of Balls”, figuratively speaking. Or, in the case of Janet Street Porter, literally speaking. CULTURE buffs in Italy are outraged by plans to let the disgraced footballer Maradona perform at the historic San Carlo Opera House in Naples.
Oh well, you know what they say. It’s not over ‘ til the fat laddie sings. FEMINISTS claim a major victory after supermarket giant Tesco agrees to sell women’s razors for the same price as men’s.
In the old days, fighting for women’s rights meant throwing yourself in front of a charging racehorse. All today’s pampered princesses need to tackle is a creeping beaver.