MIRANDA SEX ARSE MANGLED MY MANHOOD
Warning over dodgy devices
RANDY Geoff Stoat is counting the cost of unbridled lust – after his manhood was MAIMED by a dodgy under- the- counter ‘ Miranda Hart’ sex arse.
Geoff bought the Chinesemade sex device at a car boot sale in Biddulph, Staffs, and rushed back to his home in Leek to try it out.
He explained: “I’m a big fan of Miranda and after a few ciders she looks very tasty indeed. I’ve often fantasised about her so when I saw a Miranda sex arse for just £ 20, I snapped it up.”
But once he inserted his penis into the contraption, unmarried Geoff realised there was a reason the sex arse was so cheap.
He said: “On the second thrust, I felt pain like I’ve never felt before. Unknown to me, the ‘ soft giving interior’ masked a sharp metal substructure which flayed the skin from my bellend.
“As I pulled out, another sharp edge ripped a big chunk from my foreskin and lacerated my Jap’s eye – sorry, chap’s eye.
“When I finally got my cock out, it looked like it’d been through an industrial mincer.
“Making the 999 call was embarrassing.”
Three hours and a dozen stitches later, disability claimant Geoff was back home.
He said: “I’ve decided to speak out to warn other people about the dangers from counterfeit sex arses. They may look enticing but you’re taking your cock in your hands with them…” Needless to say, the sex arse is NOT endorsed or approved by Miranda Hart or the BBC. A pal said: “In a strange way, having your own sex arse is quite a compliment but I doubt Miranda would see it as that.”