30-STONE WIFE BAKES HUBBY IN PIE
A BLUBBERGUTS missus murdered her husband, chopped him into bits and baked his flesh in a PIE – after he suggested she went on a New Year DIET!
Fuming Marion Purviss got the hump when hubby Lance brought home a dieting mag for his 30- stone wife on January 2 and left it in their kitchen.
Sheriff Dwight Wandon, chief of police in Clayton, Ohio, said: “We called at the Purviss home after Mr Purviss’s sister came in to express concern.
“She had spoken to Marion and seemed suspicious.
“When we turned up, Mrs Purviss was baking, as though she didn’t have a care in the world.
“One of my deputies mentioned that whatever she was cooking smelled kinda tasty and that’s when Mrs Purviss, calm as anything, said, ‘ Oh, that’s my husband. I’m baking him in a pie!’
Skillet
“She refused to say if she actually intended to eat the pie, but by the look of her I would image it would have crossed her mind.
“In 30 years on the force, I’ve never come across a case like it.”
Under arrest at the police station, Purviss casually admitted to beating her husband to death with a skillet – a heavy frying pan – before dismembering him with a knife set he had bought her for Christmas. Sheriff Wandon said: “She told us the lot – as though she was telling us about something that had happened in the shopping mall.
“I have never met a killer who was so calm and collected.”
The lawman added: “If there’s a lesson in this, it’s ‘ Don’t tell your wife she’s fat’.
“Not that I’m suggesting for a moment that Mr Purviss deserved his fate but it was one dumbass move on his part, wasn’t it?”
Although Ohio has the death penalty, Purviss will not face lethal injection as her alleged crime does not fall into the category of capital murder.