The curry was bumf**ker hot...next morning I had a sh*tter like Donald Trump’s Twitter!
IT’S THE PROFANISAURUS
THE LATEST edition of Viz comic is on sale now, with its regular update of the ace Roger’s Profanisaurus.
Get your Viz – priced £ 3.50 – from your newsagents now. Meanwhile here are a few of our favourite new entries... arse- ritis n. medic. Debilitating medical condition whereby one simply cannot be arsed to get up and do things. bird’s nest soup n. The contents of a lady’s drip tray; considered a savoury delicacy in some cultures brothelyser n. A post- lads’ weekend away nosh administered by a suspicious missus, whereby any failure to meet the required standard will lead to terrible consequences. Buf** ker hot adj. Measure of the spiciness of a foodstuff that subsequently occasions acute discomfort in the back body. busted teabag euph. A chodbin containing hundreds of small fragments of shit swirling around after the last occupant has flushed with somewhat limited success. call the midwife 1. n. Title of a television drama series enjoyed by girls. 2. exclam. A desperate plea yelled from the Rick Witter by someone giving breach birth to Meat Loaf’s daughter. cappuchinos n. casual slacks. A fair of frothily besoiled Cresta c** t n. A state of extreme female arousal. From the 1970s fizzy drink slogan, viz, “It’s frothy, man”. curry fever n. medic. A particularly virulent form of dysentery brought on by the previous evening’s consumption of well- seasoned viands of dubious provenance. Donald Trump’s Twitter, a shitter like sim. rhet. Descriptive of an arse that is liable to make attention- grabbing and highly obnoxious pronouncements at any time of the day or night. doleslaw n. Unloved piles of shredded lettuce, cabbage and tomato as found adorning polystyrene kebab boxes on bus stop benches throughout the country’s less salubrious locales. filth of Saruman is washing away, the phr. A remark that can be uttered out loud, or even thought to one’s self, as one pisses skid marks off the bum sink. A line uttered by the big tree man in Lord of the Rings. flop flaps n. of labias. A frankly disappointing pair harrisment n. Being touched by a popular 1970s entertainer in an inappropriate manner. Kim wrong- un n. prop. A man whose interc** tinental missile always seems to end up going where it really shouldn’t go. lord of the fleas n. a Gentleman of the road. Mitsubishi mud pie n. Doggers’ take on a popular chain restaurant dessert, involving anal in the back of an Evo. muffled adj. Led by muff, shackled in the salmon handcuffs. Also c** tstruck. not worth the paper it’s written on phr. Said of a disappointingly small shit that is frankly a waste of bumwad. piping out the haggis n. Severe, discordant flatulence caused by the consumption of Scotland’s finest offal- based comestible. plopsy n. medic. Diarrhoea. Also, the skits, splurry, faecal treacle, jungle jitters, arse piss, rusty water or hoop soup. polish surname, as long and hard as a sim. Descriptive of an impressive endowment in the trouser department. pull the plug v. To tentatively embark on the first sit down toilet adventure of the day following a night on the sauce. salmon dust n. a light sprinkling of fishy residue that falls from a courting swain’s hands when he rubs them together. sex roses n. Romantic post- coital tissues left to harden into perfectly- formed, albeit none- too- fragrant flower petals on the bedside table Tinder miles n. An evaluation of the attractiveness of a prospective dating assignation, calculated according to how far one would be prepared to drive to have it off with them. “She’s reasonably fit, I suppose, but in Tinder miles, she’s not really worth the petrol.” up with the cock 1. n. To rise from one’s slumber at an early hour. 2. n. To awake with a fearsome stalk in your pants. vadge of honour n. The completely natural and wildly unkempt minge of a feminist, worn with pride. “Yes, Germaine, we’ve all seen your vadge of honour. Now, put it away, please. Time for our first question which comes from Lionel Trubshaw, who is a librarian. Mr Trubshaw...” virtuoso 1. n. A talented musician, eg. An oboe soloist capable of tackling Pasculli’s fiendishly difficult Le Api. 2. n. One who’s cherry remains firmly intact, eg. See 1.