SPACE ALIENS TURNED MY WIFE INTO A TOFFEE CRISP
ANGUISHED Ray Peters says he’s at his wits’ end after space aliens zapped his missus with a powerful astro- ray – which turned her into a TOFFEE CRISP!
MISSING: Ray’s wife Eileen
Ray, who insists there were “no problems” in his 20- year marriage to Eileen, said he came home on Thursday night to find his wife missing and a mysterious Toffee Crisp on the kitchen floor of their £ 2million five- bedroom house.
The 62- year- old former security firm manager, from Brentwood, Essex, said: “Eileen hates Toffee Crisps and so do I. There is no way there would have been one in our house.
“Then it struck me. There have been some weird lights over our house just recently. UFOs, most probably.
“It all makes perfect sense. Eileen’s been turned into a Toffee Crisp by some aliens and a special ray gun.”
Blowback
Former boxing club owner Ray said he worked into the early hours of Friday scrubbing the kitchen floor in case there was any space contamination left by the moonmen.
The ex- scrap dealer said: “I was also forced to roll up the hall carpet and throw it in the sea, just in case there was radioactive blowback from their UFO.
“So if there’s any CCTV of me chucking a rolled- up rug into the sea in Hadleigh, that explains that.”
Former freelance lender Ray said: “We’re due to fly out on holiday to Gran Canaria for a fortnight. I would hardly have booked a holiday if I’d been planning to kill her, would I?
“Not that anyone’s mentioned her being killed. She’s been turned into a Toffee Crisp by space aliens. Yes.”
A source at Toffee Crisp makers Nestle said: “We’ve not got time for bollocks like this.”