Snowflake student house haunted by Bernard Manning’s RACIST GHOST
A TRIO of snowflake students are up in arms after finding their “safe space” house is haunted by the ghost of robust comedian BERNARD MANNING!
Phoebe Smith, Tarquin Foster and Michael Bullard – all second- year students at Manchester University – found shared digs in the Harpurhey district of the city where Manning held court in his world famous Embassy Club.
The three, who are studying philosophy and gender awareness, have spent weeks making sure that nothing in their home environment “triggers” feelings of oppression or anxiety.
But their best efforts have proved to be in vain – as the spectre of Manning lurks in their bathroom.
Phoebe shuddered: “I was in the loo and I heard this gruff northern voice say the word ‘ Pak*’ – as clear as day. I was horrified and immediately contacted the student housing office to arrange counselling.”
Over the coming weeks, the students heard unspeakable words such as “Mick”, “S* mbo”, “C** n”, “F* ggo*”, “p* nsy”, “p* ofter”, “nig- n* g” and “sp* c”.
Tarquin said: “At first we suspected our neighbours might be uttering these horrible words but when we checked we found they were members of Momentum ( the pro- Corbyn left- wing Labour faction) so they only say horrible things about the Jews.
“That clinched it. We knew the house must be haunted.”
Michael said: “I asked about and found out that Bernard Manning was from around here.” UNMANNED: Bernard’s ghost is spooking pals’ Harpurhey house
The trio are stuck with him as, for ethical reasons, they feel unable to employ an exorcist.
Phoebe tromboned: “We can’t employ an exorcist as that would be giving tacit approval to the anti- LGBT policies of the Church.
“We can only hope that the university will rehouse us and provide us with the necessary help and support to get us through the trauma of being exposed to this hate- speech.”
Renowned comic Manning, who died in 2007, was famed for his politically- incorrect jokes. UNSAFE SPACE: Michael, Phoebe and Tarquin are upset