THURSDAY

A LONDON schoolgirl who voluntarily fled the UK to become an ISIS- bride announces that she’d like to come “home” now.

Shamima Begum made her plea for mercy on Valentine’s Day, so we thought we’d respond in appropriate fashion by sending her a present ( and a love poem... “Dear Shamima, Roses are red, Your caliphate’s broken. We hope you’ll accept this small loving token. It’s shiny and new, it’s a pure work of art. Now take out the pin, hold it close to your heart. Whether we’re Muslim or Buddhist, Jew, Hindu or Quaker,

We’ll all raise a cheer, as you meet your maker. Love from, the entire UK population ( apart from human rights lawyers with pound signs in their eyes).