SHAMING* STOP W NK ME!

SNAP HAPPY: Helen ( with a pal in Ibiza HEL OF A PAIR: Stunna got a handful there ANGRY Peter Langley is fed up with strangers coming up to him in the street and telling him to stop WANKING.

The gardener from Tring, Herts, loves bashing the bishop and says there’s nothing wrong with one off the wrist, no matter where he is.

And now Peter, 34, reckons anyone who interferes with his five- finger shuffles is guilty of wankshaming him.

Speaking from his two- bedroomed flat, he said: “It’s not my fault I love pulling the old pud.

“It’s a genetic thing, probably. Whatever the cause it doesn’t matter. The fact is I love to pull out my old chap and knock one out.

“But small- minded people think it’s okay to approach me in the street when I have my cock in my fist and say, ‘ Put that thing away’.

“They have absolutely no thought as to how that makes me feel.

“When these awful people do that to me I am left feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

“In this day and age that is not acceptable. I shouldn’t be made to feel bad for masturbating in public, the same as fat people shouldn’t be shamed for being obese when they’re out.

“I’ve talked to others in the wanking community and now I’m campaigning to make wank- shaming a criminal act.” A PEDIGREE Schnauzer called “Despite Brexit” easily won the Best in Show at the Wimboldsley Dog Show in Cheshire, beating a German Shepherd and a poodle. CHEEKY Enid Pearson of Wigan, Lancs, stunned reporters when she said the secret of reaching the grand old age of 104 was “cock, cock and more cock”! GIVES A TOSS: Peter is planning a campaign to outlaw shaming THE man who first had the idea of using microwaves to cook food got a one- off payment of £ 1.50.