MIRANDA HOOKER SHAT ON MY BED

Geoff’s celeb lookalike sex-for-sale nightmare

PLOP STROP: Geoff’s bed is still poo stained

IT was like a dream come true for Miranda Hart fan Geoff Wilson – a hooker who was the spitting image of his idol.

What’s more, the vice girl was based not 15 miles from Geoff’s flat in Fishponds, Bristol, and was willing to do home visits.

Single Geoff, 48, who has never missed an episode of sturdy Miranda Hart’s BBC1 falling- over comedy Miranda, said: “I found her while I was just browsing the internet.

“I had a few quid put aside from a Premium Bonds win a few years back and thought, ‘ What the hell?’

“I was so nervous when I called the lady that I actually called her Miranda! I felt such a fool but she said, ‘ That’s alright, my lovely… you can call me what you like!’

“Her accent was broad Bristol, not like Miranda’s softer Torquay burr – she’s from Torquay, you know. Miranda.

“She said she’d be free in a couple of hours and took my address. My goodness, I was excited and had a really good gentleman’s wash.”

But Geoff’s wildest dreams came crashing round his ears when the lookalike hooker turned up.

He said: “She was drunk – dead drunk. But I told her to come in.

“She came in and fell over – not in a funny Miranda- falling- over way – in a drunk way.

“She took her clothes off and I took a photo for my album, then I started doing sex to her.

“All of a sudden she did a trump, then looked panicked. ‘ Oh dear’, she said, ‘ I’ve followed through.’

“The stench was appalling and there was poo all over my best

DIRTY WHORE: Drunk sex worker farted and followed through eiderdown. It’s still not all come out and this was a couple of weeks back, before the lockdown.

“I told her to skedaddle and she did, unsteadily.

“They say you should never meet your idol. Well, all I can say is you should never do sex with prostitute lookalikes of your idol, because they’ll just shit on your bed.”

Last night, a source close to the real Miranda Hart said they were “close to 100 per cent certain” that the 47- year- old comic did not want to comment.