NAKED NEIGHBOUR SHAT IN MY BIRD BATH
Court told garden ornament was ‘totally ruined’
A MAN who crashed naked through a hedge and defecated in a neighbour’s ornamental bird bath has been told he has dodged jail “by the skin of his teeth”.
A court heard that Alwyn Probert, 65, who had not touched a drop of alcohol for 20 years, went off the rails after being offered a free sample of trendy flavoured gin at a supermarket in south Birmingham.
The tiny shot led to a chain of events that ended with him splaying his buttocks and befouling the garden ornament of neighbour Terry Watson.
Mr Watson called cops after “shrieking” Probert piled through the privet hedge dividing their properties last month.
Mr Watson, 62, told the court: “Alwyn and I have been neighbours for 15 years and there’s never been a hint of trouble.
“But that day I saw him come from the shops with carrier bags full of bottles of booze. I thought it was odd as he said he did not drink.
“Then he put his radio on full blast and an hour later, I heard him yell
‘ Doreen! WHY?!’ then there was banging and next thing I know he’s crashed through the hedge, stark naked.
“He marched up to the bird bath, pulled apart his arse cheeks and shat all over it. Runny stuff, not firm stools.
“The bird bath was ruined. It cost me £ 80 from the catalogue.”
Defending himself, Probert said he’d fallen off the wagon after more than 20 years. He apologised to Mr Watson.
Magistrates warned Probert he had “crossed the custody threshold” but had escaped jail “by the skin of your teeth” .
He was fined £ 500 after admitting unruly mischief and criminal damage. He must also pay £ 80 compo.