I want the world’s BIGGEST BALLS but NHS won’t operate …why did I bother clapping?
BARRY’S MELON-IMPLANT HELL
WHEN fed- up Barry Wilkins heard the health service’s latest slogan, Your NHS Wants To See You, he laughed!
Because when he pitched up at his local GP with an “entirely reasonable request”, he was sent away with a flea in his ear.
And it’s left him bitter that he spent hours wildly applauding the NHS during last year’s Clap For Carers nonsense.
Barry, of Walsall, in the West Midlands, explained: “Since I was a teenager all I’ve wanted is to have the world’s biggest balls but, alas, my nads are slightly below average size.
“I tried all the old wives’ tales to make my balls grow, such as waving them at a full moon and rubbing them with linseed oil, all to no avail.”
Barry decided implants were the way to go but his wages as a window cleaner ruled out private treatment.
He said: “It struck me to ask the doctor to implant watermelons into my scrotum. As a natural thing, they would not do me any harm and, as I’d bought them myself, it would not cost the health service anything.”
But he got short shrift when he went to his GP surgery. He said: “The doctors’ receptionists went bananas, saying nobody was allowed in on account of the COVID. I said ‘ I’ve not got COVID, I just want you to put these melons into my ballbag’.
“Okay, maybe I should not have got my ballbag out, but there was no need to call the police.”
Now the owner of a police caution, single Barry says his case is proof the NHS is not fit for purpose.
He said: “Just because I want the world’s biggest balls, my face does not fit. It stinks.
“To think of all that time I stood on the doorstep, clapping until my hands bled for the NHS.
“Bunch of bastards.”