PUTIN SHAT HIMSELF AFTER TWO PINTS OF SHANDY !
: THE RUSSIAN TYRANT DOESN’T DRINK…
ONE of the most shocking things about Vladimir Putin is that he doesn’t drink.
Unlike other Russian leaders, whose aggressive madness was reversed once they sobered up, the Kremlin’s latest tyrant is almost 100% teetotal.
Apart from a sip at formal meals, Putin does not touch liquor, which makes him an oddity in booze- sodden Russia. But while Mad Vlad may want the world to think avoiding booze is evidence of an iron will, Sunday Sport can reveal the TRUTH.
Putin is dry because he can’t take his beer and once SHAT HIMSELF after drinking two pints of SHANDY as a KGB trainee!
A former fellow cadet, who trained alongside Putin said he was known as “Shitty Vlad” at KGB school.
We’ve agreed not to name our source, now living in exile in Crewe, Cheshire, for fear of reprisals.
He told us: “Putin was, without doubt, the most pathetic specimen in our class. He was rubbish at PE and even though he saw himself as a teacher’s pet, he was stupid and all the KGB teachers knew this.
“They were quite cruel to him. Once, they send him down to the KGB stores to get a tin of striped paint and a bucket of steam!”
But it was after the first year exams that Putin made his name… as a shittylegged sissy!
Our source said: “Vlad had just scraped by with a D so he tagged along while we went for a drink in a secret KGB bunker with some of the KGB girls.
Farted
“We were playing western pop – banned, of course – and drinking vodka. Apart from Vlad who was just sipping shady. Even so, he was absolutely shitfaced.
“We dared one of the KGB girls to go and kiss Vlad and, fair play, she agreed.
Poor Vlad, he went as red as a beetroot and then he FARTED! But it was worse than that. He’d shit himself! It was the funniest thing to happen at KGB school. Can you imagine my surprise when I saw our old classmate turn up as President!”
Prof John Wight, head of Russian Studies at the University of West Lancs, said: “A young man who shits himself after two pints of shandy will grow up bitter and twisted, desperate to get his own back on the world.
“In later life, he will become a traffic warden, wheel clamper, HR manager, council inspector, serial killer or, as in this case, psychopathic dictator.”