ULRIKA MADE ME PULL THE RUDDY END OFF!
TELLY babe Ulrika Jonsson’s revelations about her sexual dalliances with other women caused a frisson of delight among the sexy Swede’s army of fans.
But few were quite as stimulated by the bombshell as Les Pearson.
Les, 45, has been a fan of the ex- breakfast TV weathergirl since he was a lad and claims to have sent her “many” letters “asking for a kiss and a cuddle”.
When the singleton, from Crewe in Cheshire, read of Ulrika’s lesbian dabblings his overactive imagination went into overdrive.
Now he’s recovering at home after having surgery to repair a semi- detached bellend.
Full of cider to ease the pain, Les slurred: “Ulrika made me pull the ruddy end off!”
Jealousy
He explained: “I’ve always been devoted to Ulrika and when Vic Reeves used to leer at her on Shooting Stars I was filled with jealousy.
“My bedroom at home is covered with pictures of her and I refuse to take them down, even though mum says they are pretty tatty and a fire hazard.”
Les said that when he read about Ulrika’s girl- girl couplings, he became obsessed.
He said: “I wondered if it was just fingering and a bit of nipple tweaking, or if it was full- on, held- open pussy licking out, with bum fingering and that.
“Then I thought about Ulrika lying on her front being bummed up the arse by a busty blonde wearing a strap- on.
“And then I saw a video about two ladies making each other ‘ squirt’ and obviously I thought about Ulrika and her unnamed lesbian partner doing the same.
“Oh, and I thought about scissoring – Ulrika and her secret lesbian girlfriend grinding their wet fannies together.
“Unfortunately my masturbation, already quite frequent, reached new heights and on Wednesday, I felt a kind of tearing.
“Oh, the blood! I called out, ‘ Mam! I’ve pulled my bellend off!’ She called me all colours of dirty c** t before calling for an ambulance to take me to Leighton Hospital.”
Now home after cock repairs, Les is unsure of whether his dick will ever work again.
But he said: “I don’t blame Ulrika. I never would.”
Ulrika confessed to having had sexual encounters with other women, after being recently inspired by
Love Island beauty Amber Gill’s revelation.
Reality TV star Amber took to Twitter last week to reveal: “Switching teams was the best decision I made in my life.”
Amber said she “couldn’t go through it again with a man” and that men make her “feel ill”.
Motivations
However, Ulrika, 54, admitted that she had different motivations to her encounters with women.
In a newspaper column for The Sun, Ulrika wrote that she has had “a few dalliances” with women throughout her lifetime.
Unlike Amber, who has proudly switched teams, the presenter insisted that she hadn’t actively pursued women but that “things just happened” with her pinning the interactions on being dead randy.