ASKS… WOULD YOU BED MADGE?
THERE was a repeat of an old nature documentary on the telly the other day… one of those specials about the world’s most wonderful but weirdest creatures.
I have to say, the star of the show for me was the anteater, with its massive snout and a probing tongue designed specifically to suck insects out of the ground.
It would be much in the manner of a giddy anteater in a field packed full of termite mounds that I would orally attack the sopping gash of the still evergreen Ms Ciccone.
Phil Clack, Eastbourne
BACK in the 1980s there was rarely a day without Madonna’s Material Girl 12- inch cover splayed across my bedspread while I milked every last drop of shudder milk from my teen loins.
Later in life, like a butterfly emerging into something far more beautiful and refined, I would do exactly the same over her Sex book – with her actual fanny out.
But in 2023, some four decades on, the idea of going hammer and tongs with a randy old bird doesn’t quite offer the same appeal as, say, rogering Miley Cyrus.
Jonathan Pencil, Carlisle
THERE’S a terrible affliction in showbusiness where when a woman reaches a certain age, she is quietly put out to grass.
For some reason, men spend their time salivating over the pert, winsome beauty of Ariana Grande rather than somebody who increasingly resembles a trussed- up turkey crown.
Don’t get me wrong. If I was Madonna I’d stay in and fiddle with myself all day. Of course I would.
But I’m not, so I won’t be.
Stuart Prang, Swansea
LET me tell you a little bit about the history of masturbation, which began in the 1960s when Mary Quant introduced the miniskirt to the world.
Before then, gentlemen only found relief by staring at the full- length petticoats of their nannies or occasionally murdering working ladies in the foggy backstreets of Whitechapel.
But thanks to Ms Quant, all women seem to want to do these days is wear less and less, like dear old Madge.
But no- one can beat Britney Spears, who doesn’t seem to like wearing any clothes at all!
Percival Trim, Whitby
JUST asking the question shows how depressingly archaic we have become when discussing women like Madonna, who have had colossal careers and been staggeringly successful.
We could talk about her lifetime’s earnings, the awards she’s received, the number of records sold, the countless people she has performed for – and with – over the years.
Or we could just talk about the way she likes to tease us by appearing on stage in bondage gear, and constantly spreading her legs to apparently offer a sniff of her minge.
Up to you.
Constantine Truck, Chiswick