ASKS… DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE OUR POLITICIANS?

CAN I take a moment to consider my answer properly, rather than just offer a glib, off the cuff response that I may regret later?

Do I believe what politicians say? No, of course I f** king don’t. Those immoral f** kers would declare boiling water was ice cold if they thought there was a vote in it.

Gerald Pumpkin, Gloucester

THE old joke is that you know when a politician is lying because their mouth is moving, and there’s a lot to be said for that.

Take Rishi Sunak, for instance. He’s promised us all, over and over again, that he’s going “to stop the boats”.

But unless I’m very much mistaken, the boats continue to come.

You didn’t say slow them down a bit, just

“stop” them. And you haven’t.

Benjamin Shoot, Coventry

THEY’RE all lying, scheming bastards, no matter which party they represent.

You’ve got the Greens, who sound nice until you realise they’re just a niche offshoot of the non- hard- Labour party, which hasn’t been the Labour party since Blair got hold of it.

You’ve got the Tories, who are now liberal democrats. And the actual Lib Dems who are also a weird Labour party offshoot but with even weirder faces. F** k them all.

Jemima Phalanx, Brighton

OF course I trust politicians. Why wouldn’t I?

As far as I am concerned they are the most wonderful people and never say a wrong word.

In fact, I was only saying to my friend Arthur, he’s a rabbit, the other day how nice Mr Sunak is.

My friend Napoleon agreed as well. He is invisible but he likes to make his voice heard.

Jeremiah Roster, Nottingham

I OVERHEARD the most bizarre phrase in the pub the other night, from the mouth of an inebriated young local lady whose underwear has been known to be found in alleyways.

“I wouldn’t,” she was slurring, while pointing at a fellow unfortunate sitting at her table, “trust the steam off your shit!”

And I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be a whole lot more interesting in the Commons if they spoke like that, proper like that.

Colin Badger, Twickenham