ASKS… SO WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE INSULT?
I WAS shocked to learn that so many Gen- Z youngsters don’t know traditional insults like “pillock”, “plonker” and “nitwit”.
I’ve heard some beauties in my time.
But the greatest insult
I’ve ever heard came when I discovered a large man in my own bedroom shovelling eight inches of council estate cock into my then missus, and being informed: “F** k off, c** t!” Adam Spatula, Sandbanks
MY mother brought me up to respect the views and opinions of others, and especially those of my elders.
Most importantly, she said, was to speak only when spoken to, as children were at their best when seen and not heard.
And she was wonderful with an insult, too – once calling me
“a shitty little c** t who I should have aborted”.
Ah, happy days…
Graham Soup, Saughall Massie
LOTS of swear words come and go, a bit like fashion, although you can always rely on the sacred three which have been handed down from Moses himself: “F** k”, “c** t”, and “prick”.
They are the tenets of human interaction birthed in our early days as cave dwellers and barbarians. Words that – if they could – would seep from the marrow of stone itself.
It was the Good King Wenceslas that once told one of his peasants: “I don’t care if it’s Christmas morning or not, get off my c** ting land, you smelly f** king prick.”
Jeremiah Contusion, Alderley Edge
AFTER my heart attack, embarrassingly in the middle of an otherwise fine steak dinner, I found myself being rushed to hospital by ambulance.
It wasn’t just my heart, though. I’d also lost complete control of my faculties, meaning I’d thrust down my own trousers and started to furiously tug my old chap during the journey.
A hospital nurse of advanced years called me a “filthy wank- animal” – an expression I treasure to this day.
Griff Steel, Sheffield
JUST like Sir Keir Starmer, my dad was a toolmaker. Although unlike Sir Keir, my dad didn’t turn me into a tool.
Instead, he taught me how to think, how to dress, how to shave, how to respect all women and the vulnerable in life, and how to think on your feet when presented with a tricky situation.
Which made it a bit awkward when I caught him inside the postman while both wore panto dame gear and he responded to my displeasure with: “Transphobe!”
John Heartless- Brewery, Brighton