TELLY GREGG DWARF DEAD
Horror as lookalike searched for scraps during factory porn shoot
IF you have a Gregg Wallace lookalike porn actor on your books, you have to make a Gregg- themed adult movie.
But grot producers Splatter avoided the cliché of 54- year- old ex- greengrocer Gregg’s famous show, Masterchef.
Instead, they decided to base their movie in a food factory – reflecting the real- life Gregg’s presenting slot on his lesser BBC hit Inside the Factory.
But, as mini- stud Kyle Watson, 41, found to his cost, factories can be dangerous places – and he was dragged to his doom into a sausage- making machine.
Ironically, the machine was usually used to grind ingredients for VEGAN sausages, and it will now have to be scrapped as meaty Kyle’s innards have contaminated it beyond hope of cleaning.
Last night Splatter MD Fergus Neale said: “In all my days, I’ve never seen anything so horrific.
“One moment Kyle was there, the next he was pulled into that machine by his itty- bitty legs.
“Have you ever seen a minced midget?
“Believe me, it’s not a pretty sight. Poor little f** ker didn’t even have chance to scream.”
It is thought the hungry dwarf was searching for scraps of food when he fell foul of the sausage machine’s mechanism at the east London site ( which can’t be named for legal reasons), while health and safety authorities launch an investigation.
Meanwhile, Splatter Productions have halted filming as a mark of respect for Kyle. Mince
Fergus Neale added: “We had big dreams for that little guy. Now those dreams lie in tatters… well… mince.
“Not only that, the owner of the factory says he’ll sue us for the cost of a new vegan sausage machine.
“He says he can’t use it now as vegans won’t touch anything from a machine that’s had meat in it, the fussy f** kers!”
DYING OF HUNGER: Kyle met sticky end on adult film shoot