Mum’s heartache at losing baby Esmé who was ‘born sleeping’
‘WE GOT TO CUDDLE AND MAKE MEMORIES, IT WAS SO IMPORTANT’
MUM Lucy Cuskin was left devastated when her baby girl Esmé was “born sleeping” at 24 weeks.
But she is determined to keep her beautiful daughter’s memory alive – and support other parents who have lost a child.
In an effort to help others, Lucy has bravely spoken of little Esmé as her second birthday approaches.
When Lucy was pregnant, she had a subchorionic haematoma at 12 weeks – bleeding when the placenta detaches from the original site of implantation.
The 32-year-old, of Birtley, said: “I had a big bleed at 12 weeks. But they did a scan and everything was fine.
“I was told the bleeding could get less and less and then would stop.
“Lots of women have this and go on to have a healthy full-term pregnancy with no complications at all. I had it in my last pregnancy. I have a oneyear-old daughter – she was born at 39 weeks and was healthy.”
Despite the bleeding, Lucy had regular scans which showed her baby was fine. However, her waters broke early at 23 weeks.
At the Royal Victoria Infirmary in Newcastle, she was monitored and checked.
“They checked her heartbeat and everything was fine,” said Lucy. “Her heartbeat at lunchtime was fine. They checked it again at 6pm, it was fine.
“Then at 10pm at night, before going to bed, the midwife checked again but she said she couldn’t get a heartbeat. I was not worried at all because it was always a bit difficult to find a heartbeat.
“The midwife said she would get a more experienced midwife, who came but she could not find a heartbeat either.
“She called a doctor and they did a scan. The doctor put the scanner down and said ‘I’m really sorry I can’t find a heartbeat.’
“I just said ‘you are wrong, you are going to have to check again’. Just a few hours before, everything was fine.
“They checked again and said they couldn’t find a heartbeat. I was still expecting the consultant to say she had it wrong.
“I can’t remember much about what happened after that.
“They had to clear the girls from the ward because I was so distressed. I was convinced they had got it wrong. I just could not get my head around it.
“I thought Esmé would 100% be born alive and they would realise they just made a massive mistake.”
Preparations were then made for the birth. Lucy started dilating and Esmé was born sleeping at 1.05am on March 28, 2020. Lucy needed surgery to remove the placenta.
She was able to spend two precious days with little Esmé. She and her partner Gary Ord, 35, spent time with her, made hand and foot prints of their baby and were able to keep her in a cuddle cot.
“The staff at the RVI were absolutely beyond amazing,” said Lucy. “They told us how beautiful Esmé was and helped us pick out outfits for her.
“We got to cuddle her and make memories. When she was in the cuddle cot, I looked at her and still expected her to move.
“That time we had with her was so important. We got to look at her, her face, all her features and see how beautiful she was. It’s really important that parents get that time.”
Lucy, who has a four-year-old son, Jonah, and one year-old daughter, Thea, is now helping to raise funds for the charity 4Louis, which supports families affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and the loss of a child.
She works as a stylist at the Halo salon on Station Road, in Hebburn, where her colleagues have been helping to raise cash.
They held a walk to the Angel of the North and have organised raffles. They will be hosting a bake sale on March 25 and 26 in memory of Esmé. More than £2,000 has already been raised.
Lesley Little, 44, owner of Halo, said: “We are doing this because Lucy means a lot to us and the charity 4Louis helps people who have lost a child. Things like cuddle cots and memory boxes make a massive difference to people’s lives and we want to do everything we can to support the charity.”
Anyone wishing to make a donation can do so by searching for ‘Sweet Treats in memory of Esmé’ online.