Coping at the most difficult time in life

Few people go through adulthood without losing someone close, and coping with the death of a loved one is often one of the most difficult things we have to face.

Even when expected for some time, the bereavement itself is a shock; sudden, unexpected death can be a confusing and debilitating experience for those left behind.

Help and support are usually available in the immediate aftermath. Taking care of the practicalities, deciding on the right kind of funeral and making the appropriate arrangements can make the days following a death a busy time.

The full impact of grief is often delayed until these tasks are completed, leaving time for reflection. A muchquoted adage is that everyone grieves in his or her own way.

Grief can take many forms, and isn’t always shortlived. It can be helpful to be aware that no reaction is abnormal. As well as the inevitable sadness and sense of loss, a kind of numbness in the early stages can give way to anger, guilt, disorientation or exhaustion; and there is no time frame for any feelings.

It can take years or just a few months to fully come to terms with the loved one’s absence; neither is unusual.

Talking to someone else can sometimes be a comfort, and it may even be easier if the someone is outside the immediate circle: the family doctor or spiritual adviser, a counsellor, or someone from a charitable organisation such as Cruse, who will be well versed in the different ways grief may manifest itself.

Coping with someone else’s bereavement brings its own challenges, and it is often all too tempting to offer clichés such as Time is a great healer’, or best to keep busy’.

Bereavement is never easy and often painful, but plenty of help is available.