Dealing with life’s difficult moments
Few people go through adulthood without losing someone close, and coping with the death of a loved one is often one of the most difficult things we have to face.
Even when expected for some time, the bereavement itself is a shock; sudden, unexpected death can be a confusing and debilitating experience for those left behind.
Fortunately, help and support are usually available in the immediate aftermath. Family and friends often rally round, and a funeral director will advise on the essential procedures such as registering the death and notifying appropriate authorities.
Technology can also provide support; a number of websites offer relevant practical information, and point to aspects of the situation which the bereaved family may not have considered.
The Bereavement Advice Centre (www. bereavementadvice.org) and Age UK (www.ageuk. org.uk) are among the most reputable, and provide clear, sympathetic guidance.
Taking care of the practicalities, deciding on the right kind of funeral and making the appropriate arrangements can make the days following a death a busy time.
Nor does it always end there; there are usually belongings to be sorted, perhaps a property to clear out.
The full impact of grief is often delayed until these tasks are completed, leaving time for reflection. A much-quoted adage is that everyone grieves in his or her own way.
Grief can take many forms, and isn’t always short-lived. It can be helpful to be aware that no reaction is abnormal. As well as the inevitable sadness and sense of loss, a kind of numbness in the early stages can give way to anger, guilt, disorientation or exhaustion; and there is no time frame for any feelings.
It can take years or just a few months to fully come to terms with the loved one’s absence; neither is unusual.
Talking to someone else can sometimes be a comfort, and it may even be easier if the someone is outside the immediate circle: the family doctor or spiritual adviser, a counsellor, or someone from a charitable organization such as Cruse, who will be well versed in the different ways grief may manifest itself.
Coping with someone else’s bereavement brings its own challenges, and it is often all too tempting to offer clichés such as Time is a great healer’, or best to keep busy’.
Far more helpful is simply spending time with the grieving person, encouraging them to talk about their lost loved one and about their feelings, setting one’s own aside and reacting in whatever way seems right to them. An offer of practical help is rarely unwelcome.
Bereavement is never easy and often painful, but plenty of help is available.