The difficulties of living in care

Many of our home lives are not straightforward, and all families have slightly different relationships, dynamics, issues, or ways of doing things – so there are never two the same. But for children in care, they can sometimes feel even more at odds with their friends and other pupils at school, particularly where their peers may regularly discuss their home lives and the time they spend with their families. One 16-year-old told Childline: “I find it hard when my friends talk about their families or when I see them together. “I’ve been in care for years now, and I’ve always felt I’m missing out on so many things, and I’ll never have the chance to have any of the ‘childhood’ things my friends are always talking about. “Whenever I stay at a friend’s house and see them with their parents it’s just so hard. “It’s not the kind of thing my friends understand, they always ask if it’s cool having no parents. “You can talk to other kids in care with you, but a lot of the time they have the same problems as you. “It does help to speak to people who understand though.” Moving into a care situation can also sometimes be unsettling for children and young people. It can mean a big change, learning to live with new people. Sometimes, but certainly not all the time, it can also mean a change of school, moving away from a familiar area and less contact with family and friends can have an impact. This can all provoke a wide range of emotions including feeling sad, scared or anxious, lonely or isolated, or feeling like they have lost control of their lives. This isn’t always the case, though. Depending on what their home life was like before moving into care, some children and young people find they prefer living in care, and can feel safer, more secure and better supported in their new home. But whatever a child or young person’s experience of care our counsellors are there to chat about anything that’s worrying or concerning them. There are also lots of young people using our message boards to talk about their personal experiences with living in care, offering support and solidarity. For free confidential advice and support on any worries, children and young people can contact Childline by calling the 0800 1111 number or online at www. childline.org.uk