Mackems speak properly: It’s official, because we say so

At some point in life, a North-Easterner will probably be told by someone that they “can’t understand a word you say”.

Or more accurately, “carn unnerstend a word you sye”, because the accusation has, in my experience, only ever come from Londoners, or nearLondoners. Recommended responses include: “Sorry, would you mind repeating that in English” and “Why? What’s wrong with you?”

I’ve never encountered this problem conversing with someone from outside the south-east of England.

When I was at junior school (skyul?), we were berated during hymn practice by a teacher who was Sunderland born and bred. During an admittedly limpid version of

she stopped to tell us that we were: “Saved by his precious blad - not blud”.

We were too young to ask: “Says who?” and it’s a question I have yet to hear satisfactorily answered.

For some reason she seemed to resent a mob of snotty Sunderland seven-year-olds for their inability to speak like David Niven: in a fillum she’d seen.

Other contentious pronunciations include “book” and “cook”, which Mackems tend to pronounce as “pool” or “boot”.

Sunderland folk might be “corrected” here as it’s “supposed” to be pronounced “buk” and “cuk”.

Again, there are ready-made responses, including: “Then why didn’t the Beatles mention

or “Does Steve Davis still play snucker?”

We’re not talking about slang or arcane dialect, both wonderful things. We’re talking about being told our pronunciation is somehow unacceptable.

Who are the arbiters of “correct” articulation? Well, there’s a thing called Received Pronunciation, invented by people who thought they knew best.

In the 1920s a man called Daniel Jones became a phonetician. Tellingly, Jonesy referred to RP as “the speech of the families of Southern English people who have been educated at the public schools”.

It probably never occurred to him that there are no such places as Parkistarn, Arfgarnistarn or Barth.So I’ve just put myself in charge of how we should all speak. Why not? Daniel Jones did. He would have exploded had he ever visited Wearside.