How the good times will roll after release from lockdown
What will the world be like when we are eventually set free from lockdown? Important lessons, of course, will have been learned. As a pal of mine observed the other day, the foremost of these is probably ‘don’t eat bats.’
Greggs will hopefully be scratching that particular delicacy off its ‘novelty’ Christmas food ideas list.
“But the bat and bean melt would have been such a hit with the kids, especially the Goths.”
Life is changing already. If you’d coughed two months ago, no-one, bar a librarian, would have batted in eyelid. Today, it’s like a rifle crack. People hit the deck and scramble for cover.
Businesses, naturally, will be desperate to carve a niche in the new world order.
Transport is perhaps the biggest concern for when we come out of lockdown.
How do we get about in public but, at the same time, observe the social distancing rules?
What’s the bet that the Zorb will become the transport of choice?
For those not familiar with the Zorb, it’s a giant inflatable ball into which the passenger climbs and gets about by rolling!
The Zorb is transparent so you can see where you’re going and to whom you’re desperately screaming “Get out of the way”.
Padded Zorbs are mainly used by adrenaline junkies (or, to use the correct medical terminology, ‘concussion junkies’) to hurl themselves down the sides of mountains.
Build them with a four metre diameter and you instantly solve the 2m social distancing problems.
It has a pretty basic navigational system, granted. You roll it in the direction of travel and then trust to luck, but it could be a winner.
They are unfortunately quite expensive. Strictly for the high-rollers you might say.
But when you see Boris roll into the daily briefing in his Number 10 monogrammed Zorb tomorrow, remember where you read it first.
I’d be interested to hear your After-Lockdown invention ideas. Sequinned Facemasks for that special night out, anyone? Send your suggestions to me at richard.ord@ jpimedia.co.uk and the best will be stolen, patented and on Amazon by the weekend, the rest I’ll print here.